There is something about home that I have a hard time describing. It's a feeling that no other place seems to give me. I would be lying if I said being at school makes me unhappy but, being home makes me happy. There is just things about home that school can never really have. Not too be confused, my home is not my house. Though my house is conveniently located at my home. It's hard to explain but, I can't help but smile when I'm here. When I'm home, even though it's not the most ideal place to live, is my ideal my ideal place to live.
I remember when my friends brought me back from school for winter break. They told me that they actually saw a physical difference in my mood from school too home.They said they could see a happier me that I apparently was not showing at school. They also were excited to see me drive. At school most who know me, know that I walk everywhere at any time. Whether it is to class,a friend's place,into town, whether it is freezing, snowing, raining, or whether it is 3 in the morning, 11 at night, or 6:27 am I'am walk. So when I started to drive at home they actually took pictures of me. Its funny how such a basic and mundane thing, driving, can turn into such a novelty that it is actually considered an accomplishment to see me drive.
It would be too easy and wrong too say that my family( this includes friends because they are family ) is the reason this is home and why I feel so good. I have a family down at school and they are beautiful. I'm not going to compare people up here with down there because that would be wrong. Seeing the family back home is an odd sensation because it is a mix of novelty, I haven't seen them in a long time, and an old familiarity that allows me to pass out on their couch without thinking twice. If you don't already know, I'm one to live in the past. My nectar is nostalgia and I bask in it whenever I get the chance. Home has a built in nostalgic factor that simply makes almost anything that happens here better. Coming home is like walking into a warm embrace that you know will always be there waiting.
I came home on a Saturday night. My brother and I drove through a lot of rain, stopped to visit some friends, and then drove through some more rain. Once back I got to say hi to mom and pops which was cool. Later I visited some friends. That night... morning I was laying in my own bed, so weird not being a couch, when I realized that my computer could be place on my desk next to my bed. Other words, I could lay in bed and be on the computer at the same time. Awesome. But after a few hours I noticed a storm had found me again. I decided to close my computer and listen to the storm. The soft pitter patter of the rain rolling across the house was soothing. As time passed the rain fell harder but would periodically dip back to a soft hum. Thunder punctuated the lovely sheet of rain with deep resonating echos that blended ever so wonderfully with the rain. Never too loud to take away from the rain, just a nice pinch of spice that lifted me like a wave and slowly brought me back into the ocean. It was a perfect way to begin my spring break. And while it's still relitavily fresh; The storm was a soft cradle song that would bring me into dream world though I would make the argument that coming home is a dream in of its self.
The next day I went to my friends house with a shop-vac. His basement partely flooded from the mornings storm (maybe it wasn't as pleasant as I rememberd it). So we sucked water out of the carpets and brushed water into a drain for a few hours and you know what? I was really enjoyed myself. What was infact tedious manul labor was, too me, one hell of a time. I can't really describe why I was having such a good time but its was beautiful. This also apllies to my mother yelling at me to get a hair cut and her attempting to wake me up before 12. Though they are extremly annoying and bothersome, there is something about them that make them ok. I don't like or really miss being yelled at but, its someting that has to be for it too be home.
Another great hope for me this break is the prospect of seeing a few of my friends that I haven't seen in a year, or in some cases a few years. Though I cherish seeing all my friends and try not too make any of them more important than the rest, seeing one of these people will be really rewarding. It's like seeing a relitave you were close too but haven't seen in a long time. I hope to see these people and remind them that it doesn't matter that I have't seen them in a long time, they will always be in my family. I know alot of what I'm writing probably sounds cheesey but I don't care. Family is everything and I truly miss them. They will, in esscene, be coming home.
I decided not to write this at the end of my break becasue I don't nessecarily want this blog to be a journal. I'm writing now because I think that this has more feeling and thought behind it than just a report of break. That and it is fresher in my mind. I do hope to see my good friends and just be home. It is beautiful when I don't have to do anything but there is things to do if I want to. For all my family back at school, I'll see you soon. I hope anyone who read this can think or feel what home is too you. Like I said, your house isn't your home, though in my case it is closely tied. Or if you got nothing from this, I'm sorry. That and for any bad English. So everyone, take care and enjoy your spring break whenever it may be. Stay safe.
P.S. Fire Monkey Dave was actaully in MY hosue!
~Love~
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Dan+Chinese+English= 不好
It's that time again where I take another nonalcoholic drunken swing at this nifty thing called Chinese. To start off were going to attempt some sentence making with the aid of a Chinese character book (thank you 林老师）Here we go!
1. 我晚上比她。
2。学校不是不图书馆吗？
3。她吃四鹿！
4。我有林老师与聿。
5。小高丢失他越排箫。
Wasn't that fun? Well let me translate or rather tell you what I was trying to say.
1. At night I confronted her.
2. The school has a library?
3.She ate 4 deer!
4.I have lin Lao Shi's paintbrush.
5.Xiao Gao lost his panpipes.
Fun fun! As it is probably evident I'm still rather weak in my Chinese grammar but I hoping that, do too recent events ,this will changed. What recent events you ask but don't really care? Well the last Chinese test I took was... 不好. Very 不好. But thanks too the amazing teacher I'm seeing a way too climb out of this hole. It actually reminded me of the time I went to China Town in Chicago last semester. I was so completely overwhelmed it was almost scary. Just like this test. But from this complete destruction of my confidence I found myself striving forward with renewed vigor in hopes of conquering or at least bettering myself in the hopes of attaining a higher knowledge. Some times a swift kick to the crotch is in necessary. It's not pleasant but it is important. Once I catch my breath and stand back up I hope to learn from my mistakes and strive forward.
Today's topic of Chinese culture that I'm going to take a peak at is Character writing. To try and cover it all is a fools game so I'll just be hitting a few things that have cropped up recently. One of my favorite part s of learning the Chinese language is the Chinese characters. This is also one of the most frustrating and difficult parts as well. What I love about it so much is the combination of art and writing. Two of my favorite things. Each character is different though they share similar parts. Though this sounds helpful it can be extremely confusing especially when there is only a very small variation is different or when the same characters are used but have completely different meanings. An example is the xiōng 兄 and 只. xiōng means brother while tīng has 22 different strokes 聽 . The simplified version only has 7 different strokes听 . liàng traditional 亮 becomes 亮. The argument of which should be used, traditional or simplified, is a huge battle that I don't fully understand. I will say this though, I found that when writing the characters, I actually prefer the traditional over simplified even though there is more strokes to remember. I find that it is easier and flows better when there is more strokes (most of the time) Also when the characters are simplified, they begin to look like other characters. Though the traditional may have more, they are more unique and can be more easily identified. Though, like in the tīng example, sometimes simplified is better. Not only is traditional easier to remember and has a better flow, I think in general they are much more asteticlly pleasing. An example is yuè or music. Traditional 樂 Simplified 乐 .
I know that I'm extremely young into the world of Chinese characters and I don't fully understand both sides. My opinions might change but these are what they are now. As this is an extremely interesting and enjoyable subject I will probably talk about this subject after I had a little time to become better informed and well versed in it. I will leave with this one last thought. The traditional character for love or ài is 愛 and the simplified version is 爱 . I know its real small and most probably don't understand so I will point it out. The simplified version takes the heart xīn 心 out. Other words, the heart of love has been taken out. Thanks for reading everyone, take care and stay safe. zàijiàn
p.s. due too editing problems I had to change all the font red. Sorry if that bothers you.
~Love~
1. 我晚上比她。
2。学校不是不图书馆吗？
3。她吃四鹿！
4。我有林老师与聿。
5。小高丢失他越排箫。
Wasn't that fun? Well let me translate or rather tell you what I was trying to say.
1. At night I confronted her.
2. The school has a library?
3.She ate 4 deer!
4.I have lin Lao Shi's paintbrush.
5.Xiao Gao lost his panpipes.
Fun fun! As it is probably evident I'm still rather weak in my Chinese grammar but I hoping that, do too recent events ,this will changed. What recent events you ask but don't really care? Well the last Chinese test I took was... 不好. Very 不好. But thanks too the amazing teacher I'm seeing a way too climb out of this hole. It actually reminded me of the time I went to China Town in Chicago last semester. I was so completely overwhelmed it was almost scary. Just like this test. But from this complete destruction of my confidence I found myself striving forward with renewed vigor in hopes of conquering or at least bettering myself in the hopes of attaining a higher knowledge. Some times a swift kick to the crotch is in necessary. It's not pleasant but it is important. Once I catch my breath and stand back up I hope to learn from my mistakes and strive forward.
Today's topic of Chinese culture that I'm going to take a peak at is Character writing. To try and cover it all is a fools game so I'll just be hitting a few things that have cropped up recently. One of my favorite part s of learning the Chinese language is the Chinese characters. This is also one of the most frustrating and difficult parts as well. What I love about it so much is the combination of art and writing. Two of my favorite things. Each character is different though they share similar parts. Though this sounds helpful it can be extremely confusing especially when there is only a very small variation is different or when the same characters are used but have completely different meanings. An example is the xiōng 兄 and 只. xiōng means brother while tīng has 22 different strokes 聽 . The simplified version only has 7 different strokes听 . liàng traditional 亮 becomes 亮. The argument of which should be used, traditional or simplified, is a huge battle that I don't fully understand. I will say this though, I found that when writing the characters, I actually prefer the traditional over simplified even though there is more strokes to remember. I find that it is easier and flows better when there is more strokes (most of the time) Also when the characters are simplified, they begin to look like other characters. Though the traditional may have more, they are more unique and can be more easily identified. Though, like in the tīng example, sometimes simplified is better. Not only is traditional easier to remember and has a better flow, I think in general they are much more asteticlly pleasing. An example is yuè or music. Traditional 樂 Simplified 乐 .
I know that I'm extremely young into the world of Chinese characters and I don't fully understand both sides. My opinions might change but these are what they are now. As this is an extremely interesting and enjoyable subject I will probably talk about this subject after I had a little time to become better informed and well versed in it. I will leave with this one last thought. The traditional character for love or ài is 愛 and the simplified version is 爱 . I know its real small and most probably don't understand so I will point it out. The simplified version takes the heart xīn 心 out. Other words, the heart of love has been taken out. Thanks for reading everyone, take care and stay safe. zàijiàn
p.s. due too editing problems I had to change all the font red. Sorry if that bothers you.
~Love~
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Lullaby Encore
Alright we’re back! That’s right we. As in me and Steve or rather Steve and I. Yeah for all of you who don’t know who Steve is....good. If you really want to know come and talk to me and I’ll try(ha) to tell you. But just so there is no real confusion, Steve really isn’t a real person(ha). With Steve aside, welcome to another addition to this ..... what would be an appropriate adjective to go in front of the word blog? Like meandering, stupid, pointless, witty, insightful, boring, meat cleaving, eye candy (don’t think this is an adjective but I still like it) could all well describe this blog. How about all encompassing? Na that’s not true. Maybe ... just blog. My blog. Our Blog. Your blog...... right.
As many of you ( all 4 or 5) have probably have heard me talking about through my countless plugs (if you haven’t or even if you have, peruse the rest of my blog for some more info), my friend/teacher/co-conspirer in art theft/ slasher/ professor Stacy Lynn Brown had another reading of her book length poem “Cradle Song” here at S.I.U.E tonight.....errr last night. This time she was a special guest of the “Live Nude Girl In The Devil’s Territory” book tour. She threw down some hot verses to kick off the whole shindig. Needless to say it was enjoyable. She read from “Cradle Song” which, after reading it three times myself, was a breath of fresh air to hear it in “THE” voice of the book rather than the voice in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I highly enjoy the voice(s) in my head but it is good to hear outside voices as well. Anyways, like before, I decided to draw a picture based off of what I was feeling based off of what I was hearing. I find that this helps me pay attention. I’ll show the picture after I’m done writing about the night. It was a short read but really enjoyable.
The next reader was Kyle Minor. This cat was interesting to say the least. I’m not sure how I can really describe what his reading was like but I can say he defiantly paints with his words. Very strong and moving, I had no trouble drawing with him and his story. The story was cynical in the kind of way that, like after you have your 6th chocolate doughnut you say, “I want another one,” yeah like that. I wanted another one. It was dark but not in a dark way. If you understand that I applaud you.
The last reader was Kathleen Rooney and she started off by taking our picture. It may or may not make it onto her blog, unfortunately I didn’t get the name of that blog or I would have linked it, but its good too know I’ve been immortalized in the writing world (even if it’s not for writing anything) Then we had a room vote for too see where our reader would begin. We found our decision in the middle. That is in the middle of the story. The story told of a young women modeling nude for a photographer. Again we had another extremely polished story/reader and it was like a live book on tape. Funny and witty, the story played across my mind like a movie I might see while standing in a waiting room of a writers guild who wanted their collection of Sestinas back that I had never taken in the first place so they tried to send me home but I stayed anyways because the movie was well worth the accusations and the trip up the 47 flights of stairs that it had taken me to get too this particular waiting room. Yeah it was like that.
The picture I drew turned out alright I guess. Interesting too me was that I drew 3 main figures. I don’t know why but each reader had a figure and a surrounding. Don’t get me wrong, these our not portraits of the readers just that came from my mind as they were reading. Stacy Lynn Brown’s drawing is the top left, Kyle Minor is the middle right, and Kathleen Rooney is the bottom left. Here it is.
If you looked closely at the top you can see the three words, “Homicidal Homophobic Homophones”. (You’ll find out soon if you haven’t already that I have a thing for alliterations) This came to me right before I had come to the event. I was taking a shower and I was playing around with words when it hit me. They probably will be used in a later poem or so I hope. I did come up with another neat one but I quickly learned that one of the words I was using was not really a word. This put a damper on that idea but I can say one of the real words was condescending. I’ll let you figure out which made up word I use.
There is reason why I chose to title this blog “A Lullaby Encore”. Though not exactly an encore, my friend/professor/boating enthusiast Stacy Lynn Brown had the chance to read “Cradle Song” again and I was lucky enough to be able to go too this reading as well. A cradle song is more or less ( too my understanding) a lullaby and if one were to have an encore of a lullaby it would probably be shorter and quieter than the first lullaby. Her reading tonight was shorter than when she read on her own but, like a lullaby, it was the all important set up for the world of dreams. It was a nice lullaby followed my two nice ( if not bizarre) dreams. Thank you.
Another note on “Cradle Song”, if you read my earlier blog you would have known that I had tried something brand new when reading “Cradle Song”. I turned off my head phones and just let the poem itself paint a world for me. The next time I read it I did the same. At the reading I had decided to honor/commemorate/ tribute (or whatever the word is) “Cradle Song” and my friend/teacher/kite expert/ Mrs. Stacy Lynn Brown. I wanted to do something cool and something that had meaning. Something that was unique that could stand alone as well as stand for something else. I decided that I was going to paint a picture purely based off how I felt after reading the book. I read the book in its entirety and then went to work. I took over an hour or so which, with spray paint, is kind of long. This picture was in a way a small return to art as I hadn’t done any art outside of class in months. At first I wasn’t the happiest with it but it grew on me. The more I looked at it the more it showed itself to me (even though I’m the one who painted it). I think my favorite part of the painting was that it was strictly “Cradle Song”. But instead of confusing/ boring you with odd details I’ll just show you a few pics of it. Keeping with a “Cradle Song” feel it was titled, “Cradle Song Interpretation #11" (though it would have been oddly fitting if I didn’t title it either). Here you go.
Well I got to give her the picture last night and she seemed to like it. If not, and as I tell everyone else you I give a painting, at least you scored a free canvas. It was cool seeing her again and all of the other readers. It has reinforced this idea that was first started when I went to the first “Cradle Song” reading. It is the idea of stepping away from my work and seeing it as a presentation piece. Other words, stop only thinking about the content but how one would receive it. As I’m still a young toddler in the writing world, I’m blind to many of the deeper and more intricate layers of writing. Slowly I’m beginning to see more and more each day. I’ve always strictly worried about the content but not necessarily how that content was delivered. I’ve almost always written for myself but now I’m beginning to change. After watching others read I’ve noticed that I have been missing out on a whole aspect of writing. An example is when I read something of mine in class. I got comments that my micro story had a powerful shift when I read it opposed to when they read it themselves. I was able convey much more of my meaning by reading it then in my words alone. I learned that The full impact of what I was saying was only convayed through “telling” and not “showing”. Though not your typical “showing” “telling” still the same message. If you are confused I’m not saying I should read out loud but rather I should think about constructing my pieces so that it grasps others as it grasps me. I’m not sure if I can change anything in my writing to address this ( or even if I want to) but at least I’m aware of this new perspective of my writing.
So to wrap it all up I’d like to say thank you for everyone who read last night, everyone who is reading this now, and everyone in general. I apologize as always for my atrocious grammar and wish you not too throw heavy objects at me. I really appreciate you reading so stay tuned and you might me rewarded. Now I’m going to write about The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny. Take care everyone and stay safe. Zia Jian!
~Love~
As many of you ( all 4 or 5) have probably have heard me talking about through my countless plugs (if you haven’t or even if you have, peruse the rest of my blog for some more info), my friend/teacher/co-conspirer in art theft/ slasher/ professor Stacy Lynn Brown had another reading of her book length poem “Cradle Song” here at S.I.U.E tonight.....errr last night. This time she was a special guest of the “Live Nude Girl In The Devil’s Territory” book tour. She threw down some hot verses to kick off the whole shindig. Needless to say it was enjoyable. She read from “Cradle Song” which, after reading it three times myself, was a breath of fresh air to hear it in “THE” voice of the book rather than the voice in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I highly enjoy the voice(s) in my head but it is good to hear outside voices as well. Anyways, like before, I decided to draw a picture based off of what I was feeling based off of what I was hearing. I find that this helps me pay attention. I’ll show the picture after I’m done writing about the night. It was a short read but really enjoyable.
The next reader was Kyle Minor. This cat was interesting to say the least. I’m not sure how I can really describe what his reading was like but I can say he defiantly paints with his words. Very strong and moving, I had no trouble drawing with him and his story. The story was cynical in the kind of way that, like after you have your 6th chocolate doughnut you say, “I want another one,” yeah like that. I wanted another one. It was dark but not in a dark way. If you understand that I applaud you.
The last reader was Kathleen Rooney and she started off by taking our picture. It may or may not make it onto her blog, unfortunately I didn’t get the name of that blog or I would have linked it, but its good too know I’ve been immortalized in the writing world (even if it’s not for writing anything) Then we had a room vote for too see where our reader would begin. We found our decision in the middle. That is in the middle of the story. The story told of a young women modeling nude for a photographer. Again we had another extremely polished story/reader and it was like a live book on tape. Funny and witty, the story played across my mind like a movie I might see while standing in a waiting room of a writers guild who wanted their collection of Sestinas back that I had never taken in the first place so they tried to send me home but I stayed anyways because the movie was well worth the accusations and the trip up the 47 flights of stairs that it had taken me to get too this particular waiting room. Yeah it was like that.
The picture I drew turned out alright I guess. Interesting too me was that I drew 3 main figures. I don’t know why but each reader had a figure and a surrounding. Don’t get me wrong, these our not portraits of the readers just that came from my mind as they were reading. Stacy Lynn Brown’s drawing is the top left, Kyle Minor is the middle right, and Kathleen Rooney is the bottom left. Here it is.
If you looked closely at the top you can see the three words, “Homicidal Homophobic Homophones”. (You’ll find out soon if you haven’t already that I have a thing for alliterations) This came to me right before I had come to the event. I was taking a shower and I was playing around with words when it hit me. They probably will be used in a later poem or so I hope. I did come up with another neat one but I quickly learned that one of the words I was using was not really a word. This put a damper on that idea but I can say one of the real words was condescending. I’ll let you figure out which made up word I use.
There is reason why I chose to title this blog “A Lullaby Encore”. Though not exactly an encore, my friend/professor/boating enthusiast Stacy Lynn Brown had the chance to read “Cradle Song” again and I was lucky enough to be able to go too this reading as well. A cradle song is more or less ( too my understanding) a lullaby and if one were to have an encore of a lullaby it would probably be shorter and quieter than the first lullaby. Her reading tonight was shorter than when she read on her own but, like a lullaby, it was the all important set up for the world of dreams. It was a nice lullaby followed my two nice ( if not bizarre) dreams. Thank you.
Another note on “Cradle Song”, if you read my earlier blog you would have known that I had tried something brand new when reading “Cradle Song”. I turned off my head phones and just let the poem itself paint a world for me. The next time I read it I did the same. At the reading I had decided to honor/commemorate/ tribute (or whatever the word is) “Cradle Song” and my friend/teacher/kite expert/ Mrs. Stacy Lynn Brown. I wanted to do something cool and something that had meaning. Something that was unique that could stand alone as well as stand for something else. I decided that I was going to paint a picture purely based off how I felt after reading the book. I read the book in its entirety and then went to work. I took over an hour or so which, with spray paint, is kind of long. This picture was in a way a small return to art as I hadn’t done any art outside of class in months. At first I wasn’t the happiest with it but it grew on me. The more I looked at it the more it showed itself to me (even though I’m the one who painted it). I think my favorite part of the painting was that it was strictly “Cradle Song”. But instead of confusing/ boring you with odd details I’ll just show you a few pics of it. Keeping with a “Cradle Song” feel it was titled, “Cradle Song Interpretation #11" (though it would have been oddly fitting if I didn’t title it either). Here you go.
Well I got to give her the picture last night and she seemed to like it. If not, and as I tell everyone else you I give a painting, at least you scored a free canvas. It was cool seeing her again and all of the other readers. It has reinforced this idea that was first started when I went to the first “Cradle Song” reading. It is the idea of stepping away from my work and seeing it as a presentation piece. Other words, stop only thinking about the content but how one would receive it. As I’m still a young toddler in the writing world, I’m blind to many of the deeper and more intricate layers of writing. Slowly I’m beginning to see more and more each day. I’ve always strictly worried about the content but not necessarily how that content was delivered. I’ve almost always written for myself but now I’m beginning to change. After watching others read I’ve noticed that I have been missing out on a whole aspect of writing. An example is when I read something of mine in class. I got comments that my micro story had a powerful shift when I read it opposed to when they read it themselves. I was able convey much more of my meaning by reading it then in my words alone. I learned that The full impact of what I was saying was only convayed through “telling” and not “showing”. Though not your typical “showing” “telling” still the same message. If you are confused I’m not saying I should read out loud but rather I should think about constructing my pieces so that it grasps others as it grasps me. I’m not sure if I can change anything in my writing to address this ( or even if I want to) but at least I’m aware of this new perspective of my writing.
So to wrap it all up I’d like to say thank you for everyone who read last night, everyone who is reading this now, and everyone in general. I apologize as always for my atrocious grammar and wish you not too throw heavy objects at me. I really appreciate you reading so stay tuned and you might me rewarded. Now I’m going to write about The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny. Take care everyone and stay safe. Zia Jian!
~Love~
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