It is a nice night out tonight. It has actually been a nice night out for a few nights lately. I’m back on track when it comes to going on my walks. Yes I did have that one experience but I like it. Maybe it is because it is so cold in my apartment but the night feels right for a good long walk. But it will have to wait because it is my roommate’s birthday today and I want to celebrate a bit before I go on my walk. Euphoric Birthday to you G.
I’ve been finding myself going on walks and looking for shooting stars. I’ve been searching for shooting stars so that I may make a wish. That is the story or myth right? See a shooting star and make a wish? I know that they are not really stars and I’m not even sure if I believe in that myth. But if it is true, then I hope I can get as many as possible. It is funny because the wishes can come true whether I wish it or not. I may never even find out if they come true or not. But still I make them. I make the same wishes hoping that at least one time they will come true. I guess the wishes aren’t really for me but for someone else. I’ve been blessed with much and kind of feel that I don’t deserve to have a wish wasted on me (This is slightly reminiscent of George Carlin’s bit “Have a Nice Day”. So I make wishes for others. Though it can become selfish in the narrowness of it and though it may be just a waste of time, I feel the urge to go out and hunt for these shooting stars. I wish upon the stars that aren’t really stars for things that could already be. I spend my time lost in the sky waiting for things that try to land on the ground. Hoping to change solid burning reality into a wish. I hope tonight brings me a galaxy of stars. Goodnight everyone.
~Love~
P.S. 2 things. First, I lately have been really feeling the song “Honey Vanity” by Kozi. It may be hard to find but if you get a chance check it out. It is Japanese and a bit off main stream but I love it. And two, the word of the day is “Neoterize”
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Cougar in the Twilight Zone
It is all starting again. School that is. Many things have stayed the same or similar while many other things have changed. New Roommate. Seems pretty cool. New classes.
Anyways, I’m known for walking around campus in the early morning hours. Today was a little different. I started my walk a little after 12, which is early for me. I walk to get away from things, think, relax, think, and create. I have a lot on my mind lately so I went to try and clear it before the first day of school.
The walk was going fine when I was nearing the back end of the trip. Each time I go for my walk I try to take a different route then the previous night. I was feeling the walk so I extended it. What creeped me out and what lead me to writing this blog is what happened/didn’t happen.
Now my campus is big and beautiful. There is a road that wraps around the outskirts of the campus that I sometimes take. It is great because there are no lights out there and the stars really come out. I managed to see 4 shooting stars, one being the second biggest I’d ever seen. That person got many a wish coming their way.
As I passed a building I got worried because I knew the trip was almost over. But as I kept walking I realized I made a lapse in judgment because there was still a bit of road left to travel. The more I walked however the more I began to realize that I didn’t recognize where I was at. I kept walking longer than I was suppose to without seeing the way I was suppose to take. I finally reached a sign that was an entrance to my school but the wrong one.
I was confused because the entrance I was looking at was far away from where I thought I was. I passed it and kept going thinking I had just forgotten about it and was mistaken. But I kept going and I could not remember the road at all. I was about to turn back but I kept going. A little further to make sure. I was getting a bit nervous as it seemed like I was walking further and further from campus. After quite a few minutes I ran across a place I recognized. But instead of feeling better I was more confused because I was really far away from where I was planning on walking and I have no idea how I got there. I had taken my intended route a few times and there are no turns to take. I followed the road like I always do, no turns, but yet I had ended up in a completely different area.
I went off the road down the bike path. This was really off putting because the surroundings were not looking like they should have and it was rather dark. I entered a heavily wooded area and passed over a bridge the assured me I was where I thought I was. But now even the light from the stars was very dim due to the heavy tree coverage. I was on a rough twisting path that I could barely see. The difference between the path and off the path were very hard to make out. Even though it has been awhile since I took this path last, I kept getting the feeling that I was headed the wrong way. I would have been all too easy to get lost or hurt there and be stuck. Some parts have holes, ditches, and other unseen dangerous.
I don’t know why put I pushed on grabbing my strength physically now rather than just mentally. Though I was 95% sure where I was, I still could not help but feel the need to go back. Extremely poor visibility, potential hazards, possibility of being stranded, and the overwhelming knowledge that all of this adds up to be a bad idea could not stop me though. I pushed forward wrapping myself around what I felt and trusting my sight and feelings.
After the long winding path a I saw a light in the far distance showing the way back. Though like before, I still could shake the feeling of wonderment of not recognizing a lot of what I saw. But I made it. I pushed on when logic and quite a few senses to turn back. Though I wouldn’t call it scared, I was much more uneasy than I would have liked to be. For the life of me I cannot think of how I got where I was. I know I could have just forgotten my way around since its been awhile, I could have missed something since it was dark, or just taken a road I didn’t think I took, all I know is that I should not have gone that way. But after all the feelings of worry and desire to go back I didn’t. I pushed forward, literally into the darkness and partially unknown. Does this make me brave? Does this accomplish anything? I don’t really think it means I was brave. I’ve learned a long it me ago not to be afraid of the dark just because it is dark. I’ve actually come to love the dark. But it wasn’t just dark it was the potential to get lost in a heavily wooded area and hurt by falling in the rough terrain. So why did I keep going? Why did I doubt myself when I was so sure I knew where I was? I might have something to do with me not quieting on things.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, though I do know it is not coming out how I want it to, but something came over me when walking that said I should write about this. I did quite a lot of thinking and questioning. I guess I’m just going to say this. If you’re on a road (more figuratively than literally) follow your feelings. No matter how many obstacles, how much doubt, how dark it is, follow your strength to show you the way. I know mine showed me the way.
Damn this blog sounds so weird…. Fine last question. Did I just enter the Twilight Zone? I think I did because I ended up somewhere way far away from the normal and I actually managed to find my way back. A big thank you I send out, my the stars watch over you. Take care everyone. Remember to think and believe.
~Love~
Anyways, I’m known for walking around campus in the early morning hours. Today was a little different. I started my walk a little after 12, which is early for me. I walk to get away from things, think, relax, think, and create. I have a lot on my mind lately so I went to try and clear it before the first day of school.
The walk was going fine when I was nearing the back end of the trip. Each time I go for my walk I try to take a different route then the previous night. I was feeling the walk so I extended it. What creeped me out and what lead me to writing this blog is what happened/didn’t happen.
Now my campus is big and beautiful. There is a road that wraps around the outskirts of the campus that I sometimes take. It is great because there are no lights out there and the stars really come out. I managed to see 4 shooting stars, one being the second biggest I’d ever seen. That person got many a wish coming their way.
As I passed a building I got worried because I knew the trip was almost over. But as I kept walking I realized I made a lapse in judgment because there was still a bit of road left to travel. The more I walked however the more I began to realize that I didn’t recognize where I was at. I kept walking longer than I was suppose to without seeing the way I was suppose to take. I finally reached a sign that was an entrance to my school but the wrong one.
I was confused because the entrance I was looking at was far away from where I thought I was. I passed it and kept going thinking I had just forgotten about it and was mistaken. But I kept going and I could not remember the road at all. I was about to turn back but I kept going. A little further to make sure. I was getting a bit nervous as it seemed like I was walking further and further from campus. After quite a few minutes I ran across a place I recognized. But instead of feeling better I was more confused because I was really far away from where I was planning on walking and I have no idea how I got there. I had taken my intended route a few times and there are no turns to take. I followed the road like I always do, no turns, but yet I had ended up in a completely different area.
I went off the road down the bike path. This was really off putting because the surroundings were not looking like they should have and it was rather dark. I entered a heavily wooded area and passed over a bridge the assured me I was where I thought I was. But now even the light from the stars was very dim due to the heavy tree coverage. I was on a rough twisting path that I could barely see. The difference between the path and off the path were very hard to make out. Even though it has been awhile since I took this path last, I kept getting the feeling that I was headed the wrong way. I would have been all too easy to get lost or hurt there and be stuck. Some parts have holes, ditches, and other unseen dangerous.
I don’t know why put I pushed on grabbing my strength physically now rather than just mentally. Though I was 95% sure where I was, I still could not help but feel the need to go back. Extremely poor visibility, potential hazards, possibility of being stranded, and the overwhelming knowledge that all of this adds up to be a bad idea could not stop me though. I pushed forward wrapping myself around what I felt and trusting my sight and feelings.
After the long winding path a I saw a light in the far distance showing the way back. Though like before, I still could shake the feeling of wonderment of not recognizing a lot of what I saw. But I made it. I pushed on when logic and quite a few senses to turn back. Though I wouldn’t call it scared, I was much more uneasy than I would have liked to be. For the life of me I cannot think of how I got where I was. I know I could have just forgotten my way around since its been awhile, I could have missed something since it was dark, or just taken a road I didn’t think I took, all I know is that I should not have gone that way. But after all the feelings of worry and desire to go back I didn’t. I pushed forward, literally into the darkness and partially unknown. Does this make me brave? Does this accomplish anything? I don’t really think it means I was brave. I’ve learned a long it me ago not to be afraid of the dark just because it is dark. I’ve actually come to love the dark. But it wasn’t just dark it was the potential to get lost in a heavily wooded area and hurt by falling in the rough terrain. So why did I keep going? Why did I doubt myself when I was so sure I knew where I was? I might have something to do with me not quieting on things.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, though I do know it is not coming out how I want it to, but something came over me when walking that said I should write about this. I did quite a lot of thinking and questioning. I guess I’m just going to say this. If you’re on a road (more figuratively than literally) follow your feelings. No matter how many obstacles, how much doubt, how dark it is, follow your strength to show you the way. I know mine showed me the way.
Damn this blog sounds so weird…. Fine last question. Did I just enter the Twilight Zone? I think I did because I ended up somewhere way far away from the normal and I actually managed to find my way back. A big thank you I send out, my the stars watch over you. Take care everyone. Remember to think and believe.
~Love~
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