Color me Criminal

Do you like to take walks? I know I sure do. In fact I’d go as far as to say I love walks. They are like mini adventures where so much can happen in such a small period of time. Well I went on one of those adventures yesterday. It is my typical walk I go on almost every Saturday for about three years now. It started 4ish I believe, I forgot my phone and none of the clocks on me work. The walk was nothing special to begin with though I was rocking out with my oldest Mp3 player, the most trustworthy one I own as all the other ones have broken. So the farthest my walk takes me is to the Goodwill (it used to be ‘Slackers’ but ‘Slackers’ moved from the right of Goodwill to the left recently) and I finally got to see my friend who works there. This semester I haven’t seen her there but yesterday was lucky. She said she got off at 5:30 (in ten minutes) and for me to wait for her and she would come collect me. So I did my usual intake of the inventory and decided to rest on the couch. I saw a baby book and I decided to read it. It was called “Colors”. It was ok, only a five page book with babies and objects. I reread it. It was kind of interesting; my friend still didn’t come get me yet so I decided to analyze it and ask myself questions about it. Like, how does one become an author for a book like this? How does one pitch this to a publisher?

“Hi I got an Idea for a book. It is 5 pages long, six if you count the cover, and it has a few babies and random items in it. You know, colors.”

So I started to break it down page by page. Each page was a think piece of colored cardboard the correlated with the color it represented (Red for red, yellow for yellow) Now the front of the book had a picture of a little Asian girl with a yellow background that had a colored flower pattern like wall paper. On the back of this was all the information about who wrote the book and the copyright jargon. It was made in 2005. Now I saw “Make Believe idea limitations” and I was rather confused. I’m not sure if it was a company name, a slogan, or what. It sounds weird and I don’t like the taste it leaves in my mouth. It was also made in the U.K though assembled in China.

The next and first is red with a little black baby wearing red pajamas holding a red cup. On the back there was a strawberry, an apple, a chair, pens (one which was orange and one that was pink), and a few other things. The chair was a little weird but ok. The next page was blue. It had a little Asian girl (not the same as the cover from what I can tell) in some blue overalls. On the back it had a hat, a ball, some other things, and a trowel. Yeah a trowel. The next page was Yellow. It had a naked white blonde boy with nothing but a towel on. On the back was a duckling, banana, building blocks, and one other thing I think. The next was Green. It had a white boy in green overalls as he lay in a toy wheelbarrow. On the back was a picture of a frog, a beetle, a cat doll, and a few other things. The last page was orange. This had a white girl in an orange dress and by far looked the oldest out the babies in this book. She was also playing with a block or something. Now she gets shafted because on the back she only got 2 items. A Giraffe doll that looked nothing like a real giraffe, save for the long neck, and an orange. The bottom third had more legal jargon on it.

Now one thing was odd was that on the back side of the cover page the background was 5 stripes of the other colors backgrounds. Other words, the background pattern for the back side of the cover page was made up of the 5 color backgrounds throughout the book. A stip of red, blue, yellow, green, and orange. But what was strange was that the yellow stripe was not exactly the yellow background pattern for the yellow background that was used on the yellow’s page. It was actually the background for the front of the cover. Now to be fair, the background pattern for the front of the cover and the background for the yellow page are the same but in the cover the flowers in the back ground are colored, the ones in the yellow are not. So the stripes on the back of the cover are of all the colors except yellow because that strip was taking from the background of the front of the cover.

I also wanted to think about the cost of making this book. Like I’d wager that the person making this knew these kids or at least the parents which would cut down costs. Also I looked at the items that were used. The wheelbarrow defiantly had some show of wear and tear so it was defiantly not bought solely for this book. And if it was it would have been bought used at a store probably similar to the one I was waiting in. I also wondered if the food was bought just for this book or did someone just bring in food. As they were babies, I’m sure a lot of the toys were theirs to begin with so I doubt much money was spent there. Even if she did buy them all new it could not have been over $100.

But there must have some money issues as they left out violet. The colors that were used were the 3 primary colors, yellow, and blue. They also used two secondary colors green and orange. Why not violet? Did the publishers flip shit because the already lengthy book was going to get longer? I think they realized this because the cardboard color of the cover was actually violet. Also, some of things on the blue page looked like they could make a home in the violet world. But why not green or orange? What did Violet get the bump?

Another interesting thing was the shape of the pages. They were curvy and what not. But three of them, the cover, page one, and the last page all were the same shape. Why? The other pages were different why can’t these three?

One last thing I noticed, the green and orange kid (the two oldest by the looks of them) wore saddles a lot. You can tell because their feet are colored as if they wore sandals a lot. Also most of them still crawled as their knees showed signs of use.

Now I understand this probably sounds creepy but I was curious, wanted to know what it took to make a baby book, and what else am I suppose to do while I wait? But after analyzing it for the 5th or 6th time I started to look for my friend. I couldn’t find her so I went to the cashier and asked for the time. It was 5:56 and my friend had left me. -_-

But my adventure didn’t end there my friends. No no. After coming out of Best Buy unsuccessfully looking for a cheap mp3 player I was walking in the parking lot of Dierbergs (grocery store) I saw a hockey stick. I wanted to take it but there was a car there so I left it thinking it might be theirs. I went into Michael’s picked up some Micron pens and went back to the stick. Now there were two trucks there so I went to Dierbergs to get some food. When I came out I saw this kid on a unicycle. We talked a bit, he offered a ride but I was on a walk and a ride would defeat the purpose so I said no. Now I went back to the hockey stick and there were no cars. So I went and got it. It looked nice, not top quality or anything, but a nice find to cap my adventure. So I start walking and I run into the unicyclist again. We talk for a bit but then I leave to get back to my apartment. Now I’m a decent way back when I notice the lights on me are constant. It is dark by now and typically car lights stay on you for a few seconds then past. This was a constant light so I turned and sure enough there was a cop.

WOoT!

So I approach the cop and ask what is wrong. He said something I couldn’t hear. I ask for him to repeat and in a stern voice he tells me to stand in front of his car. I wait for like a minute and he gets out. He tells me the put the stick down and asks if he knows why I’m stopped. I assume it is because I’m carrying a hockey stick but I wasn’t sure. I said no. He says theft of property. I almost laughed but I kept my cool. He asked if I had any knives, anything illegal, any guns, drugs, or bombs on me. To me this is me is funny. But then another cop pulls up behind him. Now I really want to laugh because I know that I’m getting stopped for….walking but they are treating this like something serious went down. So I’m about to explain how I found the stick when they tell me that someone from “Borders” called them and said I was stealing books. That really threw me for a loop as I haven’t even been in a Borders for about a month or so. I said “Really?” I told them I haven’t been in Borders. They asked about the hockey stick and I explained how I found it. I explained how I’ve been making the same walk for about three years now almost every Saturday and that if I was going to steal things I probably would want to make myself less recognizable. Walking around in a Serape (poncho) and carrying a hockey stick while walking on the side of the road isn’t exactly low key. The second officer try to give me a hard look even though I could tell what I was saying made sense. So they looked through my bag and found my hot pockets and juice. And if you think that is slang it isn’t. It was just Hot pockets and juice. So they talk a bit, run my name, and keep looking at the hockey stick. They eventually said I could go. They asked why I didn’t call the cops when I found the hockey stick. Really? Why didn’t I call the cops when I found the hockey stick? I said, “because it is a hockey stick”. They said unless it is in a ditch I shouldn’t take anything I find. It is also stolen property. Though they let me take it anyways.

He also didn’t give back my license at first but luckily he did. Now during my walk I had some thoughts going through my head. Why was I stopped? Is it true that someone called the cops saying I was stealing from Borders? Maybe. Except the fact that I didn’t go into Borders. Now I can think of only really two ideas. That damn unicyclist who pretended to be friendly was really just a jerk and wanted to have some fun at my expense. OR the cops wanted a reason to search me. Now I’ve been stopped by the cops before (10 times my freshman year =) ) but it is always for the same thing. Walking. Now I had a hockey stick so admittingly I look more suspicious. But see their story was a bit confusing because I never completely knew what I was stopped for. Stolen property ok. But the books from Borders or the hockey stick? At first I thought it was the hockey stick because they said found objects like that are stolen property. But then they brought up Borders and it seemed like they didn’t even care about the hockey stick, they just didn’t want me to hit them with it. It really felt like, stop him for hockey stick, let’s search him for “stolen” books from a place I wasn’t in, then back to the hockey stick when we don’t find anything. It was like they were casting about looking for things. I told them to ask all the store people who see me every week, check back on Saturday because you’ll probably find me walking there as well. When I told the second cop how I found the hockey stick he was like “That’s weird” almost to try and imply that it is too weird to be real. So I just replied “Yeah it is weird.” I realize I stand out a bit compared to majority of the people around here, plus the fact I walk everywhere when most people just ride, but is that reason to search someone? Are we that sick that we have become suspicious of people just because they walk? Now I realize it could be a simple misunderstanding and maybe the unicyclist is really just a prick, but right now I’m still wondering what I was stopped for. I didn’t know things that appeared to be discarded and lost automatically become stolen property. I guess all the hats, dollars, loose change, and anything else you have found that was not in a ditch is a stolen property. Though they said if it is in a dumpster it was ok. Though I thought that things in a dumpster are still technically the property of the people who threw it out, maybe not. I don’t think I’m mad because I’m laughing at some of the absurdity of it all. If it is stolen property why did they let me keep it? Why did Borders seem like an afterthought through most of the encounter?

Why oh Why I do not know why. But I got a decent story out of it. I don’t know my friends. Whatever. I hope to be back soon with something interesting. Till then, stay warm, stay safe, and think.

~Love~

The Human Eating Chinese Characters Machine!

So it would appear yet again that I’ve slacked off more than a lot a bit you namtambout? Any who, we be on this same ol’ Chinese wrap so I’m going to lay down some phat ones and you should holla if ya feel me ya hear? Great! (I’m writing like this so when you compare it to my Chinese it doesn’t look so bad)

1. 我丢失的条裤子！
2. 我要喝伏特加，她要啤酒。
3. 那这双黑的呢？
4. 我想买一件夹克。
5. 你什么时睡觉？


What I hope these translate to is

1. I lost my pants!
2. I want to drink vodka, he wants to drink beer.
3. How about this pair in black?
4. I want to buy this jacket.
5. What time do you go to bed?

So to conclude this latest and greatest blog entry I want to talk about a cute little group on the web called the “Human Flesh Search Engine”. For everyone who doesn’t know what the “Human Flesh Search Engine” (H.F.S.E.) it is a Chinese online group/community that partakes in “vigilantism”. The basic concept is that the community watches people, mostly government officials or someone of power, and judges them on what they are doing. If they are found to be corrupt or deserving of wrath, the group digs up as much personal information about that person and makes it easily available to the web. Though the information that they get is normally public, the H.F.S.E. gets phone numbers, addresses to the victim and the Victim’s family’s residences, work info, pictures, and any other details the might expose/embarrasses the victim. From what I’ve read, one of the starting points of the H.F.S.E. is when there were videos of a lady killing cats with her stiletto heels, later to be known as “Kitten Killer of Hangzhou”. Eventually, over much analyzing from the videos, the lady was found out and harassed. Harassment takes many shapes in the form of different attacks. Email addresses are flooded, online messaging accounts are attacked, threatening phone calls are made, and personal threats are issued. Though it may sound like a good thing, having a watchful eye on the corrupt and naughty, there have been cases where innocent people or people who did something very minor having felt the wrath of the H.F.S.E. Many people have lost jobs, had to go into hiding, been attacked, and have been arrested due to the actions of the H.F.S.E. This is a good ol’ lynch mob of the modern ages.

Is it wrong or is it right? Again, it is good to know people are not just accepting cruelty and corruption but at the same time it is a scary thing to see personal privacy torn to shreds. This is truly mob action with little deterrence. Most people don’t complain when “justice” comes down upon someone who seems to take immense pleasure in other’s pain and misery but it is another thing when someone gets caught for something minor and they are treated like a rapist. It like trying to push in a thumbtack with a sledgehammer, it is overkill. I don’t know how I exactly feel about this except I find it very intriguing.

I hope everyone enjoyed that and I might write more on China’s romp in the online world as they seem to be having so much fun with it. But for now I must go but I do leave a promise with more. How can I promise you ask? Well it is part of my grade so there will be more. Keep warm, stay safe, and think.

~Love~