Not what should be part two

~Love~

Not what should be.....

I know it's been a few days since my last post and this isn't even a real post. I guess you could call this a phantom scrap book of sorts. It will fade in a few days so enjoy while you can. Think.

~Love~

When shoes Don't match

Have you ever left your domicile and realized about four hours later that you aren’t wearing the same shoes? It’s just one of those days. No one really noticed today that I was wearing different shoes unless I told them. I knew, but to be fair, I told myself out loud that I was wearing different shoes. This was actually a really easy situation to deal with as wearing two different shoes is something I might do on my own. But I couldn’t and wouldn’t claim that was what I was doing. It would have been easy but I don’t want to take credit for something I didn’t do. I physically did it, but mentally it was the exact opposite. It reminds me of what George Carlin said about people and their pride for their nationality. I agree with it. How and why are you proud to be, say Irish? You get that a lot, especially since we are still relatively close to St. Patrick’s day or any holiday/festival for a nationality. Now this has nothing to do with actually being Irish at all it is more of a question of how can you be proud of something you had nothing to do with? You had no say or bearing on the act that made you you, so how can you be proud of it? You might be happy that you are Irish or American, which I’m perfectly fine with, but proud? I believe you shouldn’t take pride in things you can’t control and should reserve pride for some sort of accomplishment of your doing.

Though not a direct correlation, I was reading my good friend’s blog, http://jessicakratz.blogspot.com/ (Check it out as she has a bit of fire to her words) , and it is about bullying. Now I’m not going to talk exactly about what she did but on something I noticed about some of the bullying I’ve seen. Why is it that often people decide to pick on or bully someone for something or some quality that is entirely out of their control? I witnessed this and was often pissed when people picked on or made fun of someone for being poor. Why? Picking on someone because of their finical situation that they have no control over is like picking on someone because they were born with black hair or because they are 5’8. That is also like the situation where someone does not like a particular building because it is painted blue. But the person starts yelling at the building for being blue instead of the person who decided to paint it blue. It is also as stupid and pointless as yelling at a dog for being a dog. These things have no choice in the things that are being questioned, so what’s the point? If you are to address someone on their faults or question them, it should be on their actions and choices they’ve made rather than the symptoms that are victim to that they can’t control. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be called out, but it should be for putting a fork in an electric socket, not because they can’t afford to shop anywhere other than the Goodwill.

Im going to leave that at that because I honesty wanted to write this blog about something else and I’m drifting farther and farther away. Though this never has really stopped me, I don’t want to get too deep into anything just now. That and I think that sudden topic switches adds more of that original spice from my earlier entries. Though like when companies claim to be using the same recipe and methods in making their product for the past hundred or so years, this doesn’t mean it is a good thing. But it is what it is.

HI.

So I decided to do some cleaning about a week ago. And so I did. It’s back to messy but something happened in the few hours that it was clean~ Isn’t it funny how when you clean you find things you forgot about and you find things you haven’t seen in forever and you feel like a winner? But right before you pat yourself on your back you realize that you lost things that are ten times more important that the things you just found. So yeah, I lost my glasses. It’s not too bad because have a 2nd pair but…where are they? After cleaning, isn’t suppose to be finding things supposed to be easier? I mean, I had them before I started cleaning but they were lost when I had finished. I also lost my school ID in a similar situation where I was in two rooms and it got lost. I checked everywhere within the two rooms I was in (the rooms were next to each other [computer labs]) and everything I had with me but alas no dice.

The other thing that I did when I was cleaning was to try and clean up the path I was on. And I have to admit sadly that I’m finally declared. I’m now a studio art major with a minor in creative writing and Asian studies ( with a possibility of an art history minor as well). And you know what? I don’t like it. I don’t like the feeling. I feel way dirtier then when my arms and clothes are coated with paint from my art projects. It feels like an ugly nonphysical weight on my skin that is pulling me down. See I hate that I have to declare in visual art or writing art. I do both and will always do both, but we have to choose one. But that goes against a lot of my principles. I’m not one for labels and that is exactly what this is doing. Most people are happy when they declare but I’m not. It’s not like I don’t love visual arts, because I do, it’s the feeling I get. I do a lot of my art, both writing and visual, based on mood and feeling. It’s odd because I feel that, in order to transcend into something greater, you must release yourself from labels and titles and just be and to just allow, but the school is telling me that to be something great I must label myself and just follow. It’s a bad taste in my mouth that just adds another couple a meters on the track I’m running down with my pen and paint can. Want to run a relay with me?

And on a bottom note, the Fire Monkey and I are cooking up something special so look out for it and free your calendars for later in the month of April, it’s going to be Slaw. Take care everyone and remember to think and know that you got to keep going. If you need help just hit me up, I can’t do much, but I can do a little. And sometimes a pebble can move a river. Sometimes it can’t. But sometimes is can. And sometimes it can join the other pebbles to…..ok I’ll just stop. Thanks for reading, much love everyone, Zai jian.

~Love~

P.S. I told you about my friend’s blog http://jessicakratz.blogspot.com/ , but you should also check out my other friends blog http://myblog.cynthiabateman.com/ . Both are amazing and they are also amazingly awesome people who don’t mind expressing their opinions and doing it regularly (much more frequently then my blog). Both are highly recommended. Thanks.

P.P.S. I'm super proud of all my pledges. You really make me happy. You make me feel my hours put in are worth something,thanks.

Home at Home

I’ve commented many times on how much I love being at home and how much of a better mood I always seem to be here. And this return trip is non-different. This week was my spring break, yes spring break during winter. My school never fails me, unless of course it is a power failure. I think I’m at a problem though. My body has been getting a solid 8 hours of sleep a day, good meals, and a decent mix of excitement and relaxation. Having a room to yourself that is quite and has a bed in it ( opposed to my couch in the kitchen{which I still love}) is so nice. I’ve almost forgotten what it is like to sleep in a comfortable bed. But besides really falling behind in my work, I can feel my body softening up and is going to get a rather rude awakening call when I get back.

I was going to wait at the end of the break to write this but tomorrow is going to be spent doing work and then hanging with family till I leave Sunday morning. I’m not writing this after I get back as I’m going to have to go right back into the full swing of things and probably won’t have time for this. So right now is a good time. I was going to do work but I’ve been messing with a new cheap Mp3 player. My Zune has been broke for awhile now I’ve been using my oldest/first Mp3 player. Though I love it and am proud of it, I need to be able to switch music (the old one has a permanent list). Now this new one is a 4 gigabyte generic brand and was only $30. I wondered why so cheap and I just found out. The software on it is very stupid. There is no sorting system and just runs through the songs by going down the list of artist alphabetically. Now there might be a save grace in the disk manager for the device. The only problem is that it is in Chinese. I know what you are thinking, “…but you take Chinese…shouldn’t you be able to read it?” The answer is probably yes. But I can’t. And it is sad. I’ve tried turning it into English but no dice. It is a rather big head ache and I wasted a lot of time so being quite in a bad mind frame I decided to write this instead of homework. I know, I just keep making smart decision after another.

I probably sound annoying ( I think so) so I’m going to stop talking about it. This trip back wasn’t anything really to crow about but it was very good. I’ve notice I’m seeing this in a slightly different perspective such as family and the situations my family/friends and myself are in. New thoughts and interests mingling with my old ones, I hope they play nice. I don’t know what I want to say. I guess I feel physically well, but I find myself mentally frustrated. I think this is due to my momentary ejection from school. I have many things that I’m trying to sort and deal with and although they haven’t really left me here at home, I’ve been allowed to relax and change the scene a bit. It reminds me of when I’m walking on campus. Right outside of Peck Hall there is a small “U” path that is seemingly pointless. It is right alongside the main path and it doesn’t lead anywhere special. It is just a momentary step outside of the stream of people. I really like it because it is almost like walking in a raging river. And just for a moment you pop out of the water and you get to look at the river itself while enjoying a slight eerie quite while you were out of the water. And as you hang you get a new perspective look and feel before coming right back into the river. But now that I’m about to head back into the river, school, all the problems that I had are coming back and I feel that I’m a bit weaken by my momentary relaxation. Like alcohol, this was but a temporary fix to my problems and though it may seem like they are gone, they were just waiting until my vision focuses again. So I think I’m just going to but some music on and go see if I can find queen Mab and have a chat with her. I’ve never been a fan of Shakespeare but I have to thank him for introducing me to her formally (we’ve known each other for awhile just only it’s been very one sided in her favor). Big day today and I hope everything goes grand. Well take care everyone and remember to think and keep warm. Gussuri Oyasumi .
~Love~

P.S. I finally, after about the 6th or 7th time trying, finishing reading the book “Parasite Eve” and it is great. I recommend people to read it as well as play the game. Both are very well made and I think you should all give it a shot and not allow school to get in the way as it has for me every time.
P.S.S. I finally got a copy of my second movie (it might or might not be “MY” copy) and I’m bringing it to school so we can all watch it. Contact me if you want to watch it!

Color me Criminal

Do you like to take walks? I know I sure do. In fact I’d go as far as to say I love walks. They are like mini adventures where so much can happen in such a small period of time. Well I went on one of those adventures yesterday. It is my typical walk I go on almost every Saturday for about three years now. It started 4ish I believe, I forgot my phone and none of the clocks on me work. The walk was nothing special to begin with though I was rocking out with my oldest Mp3 player, the most trustworthy one I own as all the other ones have broken. So the farthest my walk takes me is to the Goodwill (it used to be ‘Slackers’ but ‘Slackers’ moved from the right of Goodwill to the left recently) and I finally got to see my friend who works there. This semester I haven’t seen her there but yesterday was lucky. She said she got off at 5:30 (in ten minutes) and for me to wait for her and she would come collect me. So I did my usual intake of the inventory and decided to rest on the couch. I saw a baby book and I decided to read it. It was called “Colors”. It was ok, only a five page book with babies and objects. I reread it. It was kind of interesting; my friend still didn’t come get me yet so I decided to analyze it and ask myself questions about it. Like, how does one become an author for a book like this? How does one pitch this to a publisher?

“Hi I got an Idea for a book. It is 5 pages long, six if you count the cover, and it has a few babies and random items in it. You know, colors.”

So I started to break it down page by page. Each page was a think piece of colored cardboard the correlated with the color it represented (Red for red, yellow for yellow) Now the front of the book had a picture of a little Asian girl with a yellow background that had a colored flower pattern like wall paper. On the back of this was all the information about who wrote the book and the copyright jargon. It was made in 2005. Now I saw “Make Believe idea limitations” and I was rather confused. I’m not sure if it was a company name, a slogan, or what. It sounds weird and I don’t like the taste it leaves in my mouth. It was also made in the U.K though assembled in China.

The next and first is red with a little black baby wearing red pajamas holding a red cup. On the back there was a strawberry, an apple, a chair, pens (one which was orange and one that was pink), and a few other things. The chair was a little weird but ok. The next page was blue. It had a little Asian girl (not the same as the cover from what I can tell) in some blue overalls. On the back it had a hat, a ball, some other things, and a trowel. Yeah a trowel. The next page was Yellow. It had a naked white blonde boy with nothing but a towel on. On the back was a duckling, banana, building blocks, and one other thing I think. The next was Green. It had a white boy in green overalls as he lay in a toy wheelbarrow. On the back was a picture of a frog, a beetle, a cat doll, and a few other things. The last page was orange. This had a white girl in an orange dress and by far looked the oldest out the babies in this book. She was also playing with a block or something. Now she gets shafted because on the back she only got 2 items. A Giraffe doll that looked nothing like a real giraffe, save for the long neck, and an orange. The bottom third had more legal jargon on it.

Now one thing was odd was that on the back side of the cover page the background was 5 stripes of the other colors backgrounds. Other words, the background pattern for the back side of the cover page was made up of the 5 color backgrounds throughout the book. A stip of red, blue, yellow, green, and orange. But what was strange was that the yellow stripe was not exactly the yellow background pattern for the yellow background that was used on the yellow’s page. It was actually the background for the front of the cover. Now to be fair, the background pattern for the front of the cover and the background for the yellow page are the same but in the cover the flowers in the back ground are colored, the ones in the yellow are not. So the stripes on the back of the cover are of all the colors except yellow because that strip was taking from the background of the front of the cover.

I also wanted to think about the cost of making this book. Like I’d wager that the person making this knew these kids or at least the parents which would cut down costs. Also I looked at the items that were used. The wheelbarrow defiantly had some show of wear and tear so it was defiantly not bought solely for this book. And if it was it would have been bought used at a store probably similar to the one I was waiting in. I also wondered if the food was bought just for this book or did someone just bring in food. As they were babies, I’m sure a lot of the toys were theirs to begin with so I doubt much money was spent there. Even if she did buy them all new it could not have been over $100.

But there must have some money issues as they left out violet. The colors that were used were the 3 primary colors, yellow, and blue. They also used two secondary colors green and orange. Why not violet? Did the publishers flip shit because the already lengthy book was going to get longer? I think they realized this because the cardboard color of the cover was actually violet. Also, some of things on the blue page looked like they could make a home in the violet world. But why not green or orange? What did Violet get the bump?

Another interesting thing was the shape of the pages. They were curvy and what not. But three of them, the cover, page one, and the last page all were the same shape. Why? The other pages were different why can’t these three?

One last thing I noticed, the green and orange kid (the two oldest by the looks of them) wore saddles a lot. You can tell because their feet are colored as if they wore sandals a lot. Also most of them still crawled as their knees showed signs of use.

Now I understand this probably sounds creepy but I was curious, wanted to know what it took to make a baby book, and what else am I suppose to do while I wait? But after analyzing it for the 5th or 6th time I started to look for my friend. I couldn’t find her so I went to the cashier and asked for the time. It was 5:56 and my friend had left me. -_-

But my adventure didn’t end there my friends. No no. After coming out of Best Buy unsuccessfully looking for a cheap mp3 player I was walking in the parking lot of Dierbergs (grocery store) I saw a hockey stick. I wanted to take it but there was a car there so I left it thinking it might be theirs. I went into Michael’s picked up some Micron pens and went back to the stick. Now there were two trucks there so I went to Dierbergs to get some food. When I came out I saw this kid on a unicycle. We talked a bit, he offered a ride but I was on a walk and a ride would defeat the purpose so I said no. Now I went back to the hockey stick and there were no cars. So I went and got it. It looked nice, not top quality or anything, but a nice find to cap my adventure. So I start walking and I run into the unicyclist again. We talk for a bit but then I leave to get back to my apartment. Now I’m a decent way back when I notice the lights on me are constant. It is dark by now and typically car lights stay on you for a few seconds then past. This was a constant light so I turned and sure enough there was a cop.

WOoT!

So I approach the cop and ask what is wrong. He said something I couldn’t hear. I ask for him to repeat and in a stern voice he tells me to stand in front of his car. I wait for like a minute and he gets out. He tells me the put the stick down and asks if he knows why I’m stopped. I assume it is because I’m carrying a hockey stick but I wasn’t sure. I said no. He says theft of property. I almost laughed but I kept my cool. He asked if I had any knives, anything illegal, any guns, drugs, or bombs on me. To me this is me is funny. But then another cop pulls up behind him. Now I really want to laugh because I know that I’m getting stopped for….walking but they are treating this like something serious went down. So I’m about to explain how I found the stick when they tell me that someone from “Borders” called them and said I was stealing books. That really threw me for a loop as I haven’t even been in a Borders for about a month or so. I said “Really?” I told them I haven’t been in Borders. They asked about the hockey stick and I explained how I found it. I explained how I’ve been making the same walk for about three years now almost every Saturday and that if I was going to steal things I probably would want to make myself less recognizable. Walking around in a Serape (poncho) and carrying a hockey stick while walking on the side of the road isn’t exactly low key. The second officer try to give me a hard look even though I could tell what I was saying made sense. So they looked through my bag and found my hot pockets and juice. And if you think that is slang it isn’t. It was just Hot pockets and juice. So they talk a bit, run my name, and keep looking at the hockey stick. They eventually said I could go. They asked why I didn’t call the cops when I found the hockey stick. Really? Why didn’t I call the cops when I found the hockey stick? I said, “because it is a hockey stick”. They said unless it is in a ditch I shouldn’t take anything I find. It is also stolen property. Though they let me take it anyways.

He also didn’t give back my license at first but luckily he did. Now during my walk I had some thoughts going through my head. Why was I stopped? Is it true that someone called the cops saying I was stealing from Borders? Maybe. Except the fact that I didn’t go into Borders. Now I can think of only really two ideas. That damn unicyclist who pretended to be friendly was really just a jerk and wanted to have some fun at my expense. OR the cops wanted a reason to search me. Now I’ve been stopped by the cops before (10 times my freshman year =) ) but it is always for the same thing. Walking. Now I had a hockey stick so admittingly I look more suspicious. But see their story was a bit confusing because I never completely knew what I was stopped for. Stolen property ok. But the books from Borders or the hockey stick? At first I thought it was the hockey stick because they said found objects like that are stolen property. But then they brought up Borders and it seemed like they didn’t even care about the hockey stick, they just didn’t want me to hit them with it. It really felt like, stop him for hockey stick, let’s search him for “stolen” books from a place I wasn’t in, then back to the hockey stick when we don’t find anything. It was like they were casting about looking for things. I told them to ask all the store people who see me every week, check back on Saturday because you’ll probably find me walking there as well. When I told the second cop how I found the hockey stick he was like “That’s weird” almost to try and imply that it is too weird to be real. So I just replied “Yeah it is weird.” I realize I stand out a bit compared to majority of the people around here, plus the fact I walk everywhere when most people just ride, but is that reason to search someone? Are we that sick that we have become suspicious of people just because they walk? Now I realize it could be a simple misunderstanding and maybe the unicyclist is really just a prick, but right now I’m still wondering what I was stopped for. I didn’t know things that appeared to be discarded and lost automatically become stolen property. I guess all the hats, dollars, loose change, and anything else you have found that was not in a ditch is a stolen property. Though they said if it is in a dumpster it was ok. Though I thought that things in a dumpster are still technically the property of the people who threw it out, maybe not. I don’t think I’m mad because I’m laughing at some of the absurdity of it all. If it is stolen property why did they let me keep it? Why did Borders seem like an afterthought through most of the encounter?

Why oh Why I do not know why. But I got a decent story out of it. I don’t know my friends. Whatever. I hope to be back soon with something interesting. Till then, stay warm, stay safe, and think.

~Love~

The Human Eating Chinese Characters Machine!

So it would appear yet again that I’ve slacked off more than a lot a bit you namtambout? Any who, we be on this same ol’ Chinese wrap so I’m going to lay down some phat ones and you should holla if ya feel me ya hear? Great! (I’m writing like this so when you compare it to my Chinese it doesn’t look so bad)

1. 我丢失的条裤子！
2. 我要喝伏特加，她要啤酒。
3. 那这双黑的呢？
4. 我想买一件夹克。
5. 你什么时睡觉？


What I hope these translate to is

1. I lost my pants!
2. I want to drink vodka, he wants to drink beer.
3. How about this pair in black?
4. I want to buy this jacket.
5. What time do you go to bed?

So to conclude this latest and greatest blog entry I want to talk about a cute little group on the web called the “Human Flesh Search Engine”. For everyone who doesn’t know what the “Human Flesh Search Engine” (H.F.S.E.) it is a Chinese online group/community that partakes in “vigilantism”. The basic concept is that the community watches people, mostly government officials or someone of power, and judges them on what they are doing. If they are found to be corrupt or deserving of wrath, the group digs up as much personal information about that person and makes it easily available to the web. Though the information that they get is normally public, the H.F.S.E. gets phone numbers, addresses to the victim and the Victim’s family’s residences, work info, pictures, and any other details the might expose/embarrasses the victim. From what I’ve read, one of the starting points of the H.F.S.E. is when there were videos of a lady killing cats with her stiletto heels, later to be known as “Kitten Killer of Hangzhou”. Eventually, over much analyzing from the videos, the lady was found out and harassed. Harassment takes many shapes in the form of different attacks. Email addresses are flooded, online messaging accounts are attacked, threatening phone calls are made, and personal threats are issued. Though it may sound like a good thing, having a watchful eye on the corrupt and naughty, there have been cases where innocent people or people who did something very minor having felt the wrath of the H.F.S.E. Many people have lost jobs, had to go into hiding, been attacked, and have been arrested due to the actions of the H.F.S.E. This is a good ol’ lynch mob of the modern ages.

Is it wrong or is it right? Again, it is good to know people are not just accepting cruelty and corruption but at the same time it is a scary thing to see personal privacy torn to shreds. This is truly mob action with little deterrence. Most people don’t complain when “justice” comes down upon someone who seems to take immense pleasure in other’s pain and misery but it is another thing when someone gets caught for something minor and they are treated like a rapist. It like trying to push in a thumbtack with a sledgehammer, it is overkill. I don’t know how I exactly feel about this except I find it very intriguing.

I hope everyone enjoyed that and I might write more on China’s romp in the online world as they seem to be having so much fun with it. But for now I must go but I do leave a promise with more. How can I promise you ask? Well it is part of my grade so there will be more. Keep warm, stay safe, and think.

~Love~

A Glorious Day

Since it has been awhile since my last post I thought I would wait till something amazing and or grand to happen before I post again. So yesterday fulfilled those requirements so I'm going to tell you. Yesterday I spent the entire day without pants on. Isn't that great? Well you cats keep warm and stay cool.

~Love~

Perspecitve + 74

Question, if you stay up for 72+ hours is that a short week? I mean by most standers that would be one hell of a long day, but what would that make the week? Technically the week is that same length every week, though by that argument there are no long or short days, just days. But you know what I’m talking about it. When people asked me if it was a long week, I’d have to consider my days, one which included 3 of them making the days in the week count 5.What prompts this is that yesterday (ha) was about a 74 hour day. It started at 11:55 PM Monday and stretch to 2:30ish AM Friday. I say ish because things started to get fuzzy after I beat Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4 :Turtles in Time for the Super Nintendo, 2:15ish (AM Friday ), things got a little fuzzy. Though I know I was up in the 3 o’clock range I’m
clear on things that happened to 2:15ish range.

That was a bit goofy. I’m not going to write about that experience, too much to say, but I will talk about a few interesting things. Perspective. Your perspective on things changes quite a lot. Things move at different speeds, size is different, and how you react to things different. Like how I handled tiredness. Being up that long was really like being on a rollercoaster of energy levels. From struggling to keep one eye open, to wanting to go dance in the rain (which I did), to feel pretty normal. But after so long, I would get this strange feeling like I didn’t need sleep because, when I would have a swing of the tiredness, the effects wouldn’t be as bad as it was earlier.

Now things that are said take on different meanings. It’s been a long day, Goodnight, Goodmorning, and you’re up early, all have the same meaning but have a bit of an interesting twist. Another thing that has an interesting twist is when people talk about their day. I’d hear people complain about having a long day. They’d say they’d been up since 4 in the morning or that they’ve been up for 20 hours. Now for most instances that is a long time. But compared to 74, that isn’t even a third. When I stayed up that long I never really thought just how long that was. It stretched from the tail end of Monday to the head end of Friday. It spread across 5 days. What is considered a long day was maybe a third. That’s crazy.
But now we come to my problem. I’ve only been up for 15 hours but it’s in the 5:30 area (changes as Im writing it and it will be different when I’m done). I usual go to sleep around 5 give or take an hour or two. My days vary from 20+- 30+ average. But now I don’t what to do. Staying up that late wasn’t exactly fun nor that healthy and I don’t really plan on doing it again…or at least anytime soon…..real soon. Going to sleep now would make me feel like I wasted the day or time since I
know I could do so much.

People ask me why I did it and how. Well I had things to do, I have motivation/something to fight for. When you have those two things, you can do whatever. I did write a poem that I might share with you. Though I think it is more of a slam piece and in order to do it justice I might need to do a recording and then let you listen to it. I don’t know. Like I said, it wasn’t necessarily fun. But you learn things and see things in different perspectives. You can see what is on your mind because it plays often. Whatever. If you get a chance, try it. Depending on how use to sleep deprivation you are you could go crazy or just be th same. I know people who could pass for drunk and it was only because they’ve been up for only 20 hours. Then there were others where I couldn’t tell the difference. I wouldn’t suggest doing it often as your mind will work differently and you feel like you have a hangover the next day. But to see what it’s like, I’d go for it.
Thanks everyone. I’m going to end it here so I can lay on the couch in my kitchen and try things until I fall asleep. Take care and I hope you find and retain happiness. But I’ll leave you with this to get everyone hyped. The Chinese Illiteracy Super Show. . . .season 2!

~Love~

Sentence Sense Swindle

You know sometimes I have very good ideas that actually look like very bad ideas in person. In my mind they offer me candy, money, and a good time. But when I invite them over to reality it feels like I’m meeting a whole new idea. No longer is it cute and cuddly but a furious beast that has nothing better to do then sit on my chest and inject my blood stream with ideas less than acceptable for a fifth grade class room, hell even a 6th grade class room. Fortunately not all my ideas are like that and putting the couch in the kitchen actually worked 10x better than in my head. What am I getting at? Chinese of course.
In my Chinese class we were watching the Chinese movie “The Marriage Trap”. It’s about a swindler and a swindler and how they swindle sort of. I’m swindling you of the swindles but I will swindle away your swindling time with a swindle of the Chinese language (other words I’m going to write down some things I heard from the movie.)
Enjoy
好名字- Nice name
喂 – Hello?
谢谢- Thank you
什么意思?- What does it mean?
你呢?- And you?
我姓高- I’m surnamed Gao.
打电话- Make a phone call
这是谁呀?- Who is this?
爸爸妈妈还有哥哥. – Father, mother, and older brother.
为什么- Why?
对不起- Sorry
可是－But
你诉我　－Tell Me
你得等我－You have to wait for me.
好的工作－Good work or good job
大便－Ｓｈｉｔ！
没事－No big deal
我自己－I’m single
你找谁？－　Who are you looking for?
可是你知道的，我是骗子。－But you know I’m a swindler.

Special shouts outs tos Jamar mar........Special

~love~

College Power Hour

Alright everybody. This happened.....last week. It took awhile to get the pictures which is why I delayed posting this but I finally got them so it's time to share what fun I've been having. As a few of you know, I think about alot of things. When I'm troubled I have to do something in order to cope. This is how I decided to cope.



Yes that is right, I put our couch in the kitchen! It is easily one of the most beautiful and stupid thing someone can do and I did it. Of course my roommates instantly agreed (which is rather scary) and now that's where it stays. About 98% of the time I use the couch as a bed. So this means I go to sleep in the kitchen on the couch. No part of that sentence should make sense but sadly it does and it is all true.It turns out it is great for socializing and is a great conversation starter as well. I could talk more about it but I have to go for now. Maybe I will talk about it in more detail but for now a great college quote from my good friend. After trying to remember what happened last night "Why are there leaves in my pockets!?"I'll just leave you with one last pic to show you how much the moral has been boosted thanks to the couch. It has a area effect bonus of Positivity +6 Beauty +11 and Stupidity +34

..............

I smell of paint

~Love~

Waking the Sleeping 龍

Though it would seem it is more like waking the newborn instead of waking an actual Dragon, my exciting voyage into the world of Chinese begins again! Granted I’ve dabbled a bit in the summer, my serious studies were set aside. But no longer. Class is back in full swing and it is time for me to start swinging and missing once again. So here is my attempt at five lines in Chinese.

1 - 我愛您。
2 – 我叫孔达宁。
3 – 你叫什么名字？
4 – David Letterman 是美国人。
5- 我不是老太太。

Alright that was interesting. I quickly realized that what little grammar I had has left me and I have to thank the book for helping me out with all of them except number one. So here is what I was trying to say.

1 – I Love you.
2 – I’m called Kong Daning
3 – What is your name?
4 – David Letterman is American.
5 – I’m not an old woman.

Well there you go. Now I’m supposed to talk about something relating to Chinese culture. I did read an article about text messaging in China. It was very interesting in showing how texting is having small effects on the way things are said and the way how people react with each other in China. One of the interesting things that many do in English is intentionally write or text something that is in poor grammar or just plain wrong, but still have an understandable meaning. The two that I find myself using is Orz and 13579. Orz means please. How this is derived is by the way the letters seem to make a person begging on their knees. The “O” is the head, the “r” is the arms, and the “Z” is the legs. 13579 is used when you want to express something is odd. This I find particularly interesting as it is actually longer to input than the word odd. Granted the Chinese are most likely putting in characters or pinyin, 5 characters is a bit much. Though going with the idea of odd, putting in more effort into saying odd a different way than to just say odd is in itself odd.

I wrap this blog up with saying that I’ve heard rumors that a 2nd season of the Chinese Illiteracy Super Show is currently in negotiation talks over funding and what not. It is said a deal is plan to be struck sometime in the near future. From my sources, apparently the star (I can’t give names just yet) of last season is on board and willing to make a second season come to life if possible. More info to come.

That’s it folks. I hope you enough this. I will be updating both Chinese blogs and normal blogs so keep your eyes open as well as your minds. Take care everyone and Goodmorning.

~Love~

Shooting Meat Cleavers in the Sky

It is a nice night out tonight. It has actually been a nice night out for a few nights lately. I’m back on track when it comes to going on my walks. Yes I did have that one experience but I like it. Maybe it is because it is so cold in my apartment but the night feels right for a good long walk. But it will have to wait because it is my roommate’s birthday today and I want to celebrate a bit before I go on my walk. Euphoric Birthday to you G.

I’ve been finding myself going on walks and looking for shooting stars. I’ve been searching for shooting stars so that I may make a wish. That is the story or myth right? See a shooting star and make a wish? I know that they are not really stars and I’m not even sure if I believe in that myth. But if it is true, then I hope I can get as many as possible. It is funny because the wishes can come true whether I wish it or not. I may never even find out if they come true or not. But still I make them. I make the same wishes hoping that at least one time they will come true. I guess the wishes aren’t really for me but for someone else. I’ve been blessed with much and kind of feel that I don’t deserve to have a wish wasted on me (This is slightly reminiscent of George Carlin’s bit “Have a Nice Day”. So I make wishes for others. Though it can become selfish in the narrowness of it and though it may be just a waste of time, I feel the urge to go out and hunt for these shooting stars. I wish upon the stars that aren’t really stars for things that could already be. I spend my time lost in the sky waiting for things that try to land on the ground. Hoping to change solid burning reality into a wish. I hope tonight brings me a galaxy of stars. Goodnight everyone.
~Love~

P.S. 2 things. First, I lately have been really feeling the song “Honey Vanity” by Kozi. It may be hard to find but if you get a chance check it out. It is Japanese and a bit off main stream but I love it. And two, the word of the day is “Neoterize”

A Cougar in the Twilight Zone

It is all starting again. School that is. Many things have stayed the same or similar while many other things have changed. New Roommate. Seems pretty cool. New classes.

Anyways, I’m known for walking around campus in the early morning hours. Today was a little different. I started my walk a little after 12, which is early for me. I walk to get away from things, think, relax, think, and create. I have a lot on my mind lately so I went to try and clear it before the first day of school.
The walk was going fine when I was nearing the back end of the trip. Each time I go for my walk I try to take a different route then the previous night. I was feeling the walk so I extended it. What creeped me out and what lead me to writing this blog is what happened/didn’t happen.

Now my campus is big and beautiful. There is a road that wraps around the outskirts of the campus that I sometimes take. It is great because there are no lights out there and the stars really come out. I managed to see 4 shooting stars, one being the second biggest I’d ever seen. That person got many a wish coming their way.
As I passed a building I got worried because I knew the trip was almost over. But as I kept walking I realized I made a lapse in judgment because there was still a bit of road left to travel. The more I walked however the more I began to realize that I didn’t recognize where I was at. I kept walking longer than I was suppose to without seeing the way I was suppose to take. I finally reached a sign that was an entrance to my school but the wrong one.

I was confused because the entrance I was looking at was far away from where I thought I was. I passed it and kept going thinking I had just forgotten about it and was mistaken. But I kept going and I could not remember the road at all. I was about to turn back but I kept going. A little further to make sure. I was getting a bit nervous as it seemed like I was walking further and further from campus. After quite a few minutes I ran across a place I recognized. But instead of feeling better I was more confused because I was really far away from where I was planning on walking and I have no idea how I got there. I had taken my intended route a few times and there are no turns to take. I followed the road like I always do, no turns, but yet I had ended up in a completely different area.

I went off the road down the bike path. This was really off putting because the surroundings were not looking like they should have and it was rather dark. I entered a heavily wooded area and passed over a bridge the assured me I was where I thought I was. But now even the light from the stars was very dim due to the heavy tree coverage. I was on a rough twisting path that I could barely see. The difference between the path and off the path were very hard to make out. Even though it has been awhile since I took this path last, I kept getting the feeling that I was headed the wrong way. I would have been all too easy to get lost or hurt there and be stuck. Some parts have holes, ditches, and other unseen dangerous.
I don’t know why put I pushed on grabbing my strength physically now rather than just mentally. Though I was 95% sure where I was, I still could not help but feel the need to go back. Extremely poor visibility, potential hazards, possibility of being stranded, and the overwhelming knowledge that all of this adds up to be a bad idea could not stop me though. I pushed forward wrapping myself around what I felt and trusting my sight and feelings.

After the long winding path a I saw a light in the far distance showing the way back. Though like before, I still could shake the feeling of wonderment of not recognizing a lot of what I saw. But I made it. I pushed on when logic and quite a few senses to turn back. Though I wouldn’t call it scared, I was much more uneasy than I would have liked to be. For the life of me I cannot think of how I got where I was. I know I could have just forgotten my way around since its been awhile, I could have missed something since it was dark, or just taken a road I didn’t think I took, all I know is that I should not have gone that way. But after all the feelings of worry and desire to go back I didn’t. I pushed forward, literally into the darkness and partially unknown. Does this make me brave? Does this accomplish anything? I don’t really think it means I was brave. I’ve learned a long it me ago not to be afraid of the dark just because it is dark. I’ve actually come to love the dark. But it wasn’t just dark it was the potential to get lost in a heavily wooded area and hurt by falling in the rough terrain. So why did I keep going? Why did I doubt myself when I was so sure I knew where I was? I might have something to do with me not quieting on things.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, though I do know it is not coming out how I want it to, but something came over me when walking that said I should write about this. I did quite a lot of thinking and questioning. I guess I’m just going to say this. If you’re on a road (more figuratively than literally) follow your feelings. No matter how many obstacles, how much doubt, how dark it is, follow your strength to show you the way. I know mine showed me the way.
Damn this blog sounds so weird…. Fine last question. Did I just enter the Twilight Zone? I think I did because I ended up somewhere way far away from the normal and I actually managed to find my way back. A big thank you I send out, my the stars watch over you. Take care everyone. Remember to think and believe.
~Love~

When Meat Cleavers grow DulL

Good morning anyone. How are you doing? Me? Up, down, a bit around, and off center. It would appear that I have fallen victim to not updating for a long time. But you know that already so I will stop repeating this bit from now on… or not.

My head hurts. Well a lot of things hurt. Apparently participating in intense physical activity for an extended period of time when you are not uses to it is….tiring. I’ve been finding this out lately. It’s funny how I get blisters playing basketball and not soccer. On another physical note, I know a lot of you have been worrying about me lately in regards to my excessive weight. But I’m sitting here glad to tell you that I have conquered this pudgy problem. I have recently weighted myself and I’m back under 120 lbs! That is right. I have always ate on the tight rope, coming quite close of falling over the 130 mark but I never did. And just when it looked like I was about to eat one too many batches of raw cookie dough, I fell the other way and landed softly in the 118 range. So no longer do I look like a stick, I look like a twig. Woot! .-_-.

You know what is great!? Infomercials. Infomercials are like a fix to all of our problems. Even for the problems we didn’t know we had. I find myself watching these more and more, late into the morning and realizing just how empty my life has been. But then I found something astounding that has been filling my mind and body all summer. A little thing called stress (though I must note that one infomercial did tell me that we live in a way stressful time compared to the past). What is great is the many shapes and forms that stress take. If you need a quick fix, stress can help you by hiding your keys or erasing a friend’s number from your memory. Or if you want something a little more time consuming it can wreck a car, find a sick relative, or help you lose your job! Now I’m not really sure if stress is a result of bad things or the cause (infomercials always leave you wondering what exactly they talking about) but I’ve found quite a few sweet deals this summer. One in particular is the whole movie thing. If you don’t know already, I’m part of “Power Trio Studios” and we make movies. We have made one movie “Noir” and are working on another. This should not be. See we should have two movies working on two more. But thanks to my friend, the second movie has caught a few snags, something of the equivalent to a kick in the nuts. It didn’t kill the movie but damn near. Between loosing footage, actors/actresses and the necessity of reshooting, I’m still waiting to see this bad boy finished. The premier of the Movie will be on August 1st and I hope you will all attend. For more information please go to this link – www.Powertriostudios.com . If you have read that the band “We the Living” will be playing that is no longer true. Due too… reasons they will not be able to make it. So the movie will no longer be $10 but only $6. It should be a fun night and the movie should be great. Actually I really hate how this is all sounding in this paragraph so I’m just going to stop writing this paragraph and hope the next one is better.

There is something I’ve been pondering lately. If you know me you will probably know I’m a fan of 2pac. I believe that way too often he is seen for only one side of his work or rather only seen in one light. One side see’s him as a God to the industry while the other see’s him as a brutal thug with little to no redeeming qualities. Both are erroneous as they are blind to opposing thought. This is true with many things though. Many people decide to love or hate something without looking at both sides. I’m getting off point ( dull as it may be). In one of my favorite songs, Changes, probably my favorite Pac lyrics are recited. “I’d love to go back to when we played as kids, but things change, and that’s the way it is.” I’m a very nostalgic person, I had a really good childhood, and there is many things that I wish I could go back to. The lines have many meanings to me. I see that many kids are pure in thought and mind in many ways. When you’re a kid you don’t care about what color a kid is when you’re playing, you just want to play. You don’t need anything special to find happiness, just a stick. You don’t have to worry about many of the complicated issues we face as adults (though I would argue what it means to been an adult because I see more kids past the age of 21 then I do younger than). What made me think was when someone brought up the point of ignorance. Kids don’t think about many of the complicated things adults do because they are ignorant of them. They haven’t experienced many of the hardships/joys that the world has to offer. So it is an easier task to make one happy. I realize that I’m vastly over simplifying this but I’m doing it for the sake of rambling less then I already am. But saying this is almost implying that kids can’t know true happiness. Living in a world that never has to take on complicated issues is both unrealistic and all most a lie. I disagree in a sense. There is something that changes everyone and that is experience. What we know now would significantly alter how we would think when we were younger. We would make different choices and behave differently based off of what we know. But just because we would do it differently now does that make how we felt in the past wrong? My argument is that, based off of what we knew and felt, kids (we) acted the way they felt. They wear their emotions and thoughts right out in front for everyone to see. They don’t hide or manipulate situations as many adults due. They learn to do that as they get older.

I’m sorry, this is getting confusing and muddled. It is mainly due to the fact that I don’t have my mind set. I would go back and clean all of this up but this is not an essay. What you are reading is straight from the mind and not polished up ideas meant to wow you. I’m going to cut all this sidetracking and try to say my main point.

I believe it all turns into an issue of innocents. Kid’s is more or less innocents. The reason why I love the 2pac lyrics is changes is that in many ways I would love to go back to when we played as kids. Though I would love to go back, I don’t mean my thinking as well. To give up what I learned and know, I would end up in the same situation waiting to go back. As I said I had a great childhood, but I feel that I can help more people when I’m older than when I’m younger. Really it is a longing to go back to relive the good times, many which were when I was a kid. But this is nothing new. People always wish they could go back. I don’t think I would go back if I could. I would love to tell myself a few things. I had a dream in which I told my past self a few things and I even wrote a poem about it. I wouldn’t go back. Things change. And that’s the way it is. (Though on an interesting note, if things
change, can they change back? Because….wouldn’t that be a change?)

*Super Villain Studios, S.V.S. for short, has recently surfaced and is ready to invade the world the highest low quality art.

*I now teach the beautiful game

* My good friend Nick made a music video that you should all check out - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlVZ-TPDij0

* I’m very proud of my students

It is like I’ve been wandering around a labyrinth and I haven’t gotten the treasure but I’ve found a way out. But instead of leaving I’ve headed back to find a better exit. Taking shortcuts and settling for less is as worse than never finding a way out. I might never leave but I’m willing to take that chance.
I’m sorry for writing this as most of you have either stopped reading, don’t care, are confused, or angered that you read this poorly written blog and wasted your time. My mind is very scattered and lost but I have found something that might be worthwhile. In my English class we had to write about a man and a cat. It is called
“Missing Meat Cleaver”. I hope you enjoy. Sorry again.

~*~
Missing Meat Cleaver

Well it isn’t in the kitchen like it should be but that is to be expected. I walk over into the living room and begin to lift the couch cousins only to find nothing. I get on my hands and knees and peer under the couch when I am met with the two brilliant yellow eyes of my cat Nimblesnort. “And what are you doing here love?”
The cat tilts her head inspecting me and wondering why I was so stupid. She cooed softly and came out to nuzzle my face. I sneeze and my eyes become irritated. “Well you can help me look sweet heart since you seem intent on blinding me with your luscious fur.” She purrs.
If it isn’t here maybe I can check up stairs in the attic. I scoop Nimblesnort into my arms and climb the stairs. “You know Nimblesnort, I’m typically pretty good with remember things I think. But this damn meat cleaver keeps getting lost. Last week it was in the bathroom and the week before that it was in the living room. Ha the living room. Funny how it ended up there.” Nimblesnort purred if to say, “I know”. The two of us make our way into the small, surprisingly clean, attic and are greeted with sunlight from the window. I put Nimblesnort on the ground and begin to scour the entire room. Moving boxes and old clothes I quickly came to the realization that the meat cleaver was nowhere to be seen. I looked up to see Nimblesnort atop a box staring at me with an odd look.
“What? Oh you’re right! I’ll check my room. Stupid me,” I said clapping a hand onto my forehead. Nimblesnort narrowed her eyes and bristled her whiskers utter a very quite hiss of disapproval. I ignored this and scooped her up. I loved the way she would wrap her tail and my arm.
I rushed into my room and quickly realized that it would never be in my room. It was a white room after all and it would be far too messy to work in here. Still I scanned around my room, which was very easy, as there was nothing but a bed and a desk in the room. “Wow Nimblesnort, I’m stumped.” With that I felt the prick of claws and was forced to drop Nimblesnort.
“I love you but you really are stupid. You left the meat cleaver in the basement,” hissed Nimblesnort.
“You sure?” I asked.
“I’m as positive as you are stupid.”
“I’m not stupid, I’m just forgetful.”
“Says the guy talking to the cat.”
“That is not stupid either, that is psychotic or as most of the world likes to call it, a good owner.”
“How ever you want to say it, I watched you last night and you left it in her shoulder blades.”
“You’re right! I am so stupid. I remember now, I was cutting at a good pace when I went upstairs for a drink. The Simpsons came on T.V. and I forgot to go back.” Nimblesnort gave me a look of, “duh” and slinked away.

~*~
~Love~

Feeling Malice

Lately I’ve been in a “less than” pleasant mood. Most who’ve seen me would agree. I haven’t been sleeping well and have been barely eating at all. Body hasn’t been really happy either. As promised I have a story for you but first I’ll try to explain how I’m feeling now.
This is how I feel - The musical group Malice Mizer has gotten back together for one last show. There was a special contest that had the winner going to the concert for free, front row seats, hang out with the band afterwards, and being in their last music video. This means that the winner would be forever immortalized with Malice Mizer. Now out of all the contestants I’ve won. I get the plane ticket and I fly over to Japan. When I get there it turns out that my ticket is not valid. They won’t let me into the show no matter what. Since I can’t get into the show I will not be allowed to be in the music video either. Somebody tells me that the band Versailles has a concert down the block and they will be having the special guest of Cocco. You know what? I don’t care. I don’t want to see Cocco, Versailles, Slipknot, Metallica, George Carlin, Moi dix Mois, or even 2pac. I want to see Malice Mizer. As much as I like the others, I would give it all up to see Malice Mizer. Though I’m a fan of Moi dix Mois ( it would be similar to going to a Malice Mizer concert) and would love to see one of their concerts, they are no Malice Mizer. I will always listen to Moi dix Mois and try to see their concerts but I’m standing at a Malice Mizer concert. Even if I don’t get in I will always listen to Malice Mizer and follow them no matter what. It would seem that all ways to get in are closed and if I try anything it will probably end badly. Should I stop trying and avoid any hurting anything or anyone, which would mean to stop dreaming as I’ve dreamt of this since I’ve been introduced to them, or shall I try to turn what seems like impossible dreams into reality?
Ok now that that is over with the story. It is called “Steve a Shroom and the Brain Tumor”. This is a story I wrote for my creative writing class. I apologize, I never had it really proofread (though I did get some help) so it is not going to be perfect. I chose this story because, though it seems I was on drugs when I wrote this ( I assure you I was not), it has many meanings to it. Especially now. Though it may seem that everything is random, it probably has a point. I don’t want to write anymore because it is pretty long and you will have enough to read. Enjoy.
Steve a Shroom and the Brain Tumor

I’m not “slow”. I am not “retarded”. No I’m not even “stupid” like they all say. Some say. Sure I’m not the quickest but who is? No one cares to find out “why”, “what”. Nobody cares why I act the way I do, talk the way I do. I do not have a problem like they might think. I have a problem I think. Probably they do think like I think but I wouldn’t know because I haven’t asked “why”. I haven’t asked “why” but not like the way they haven’t asked “why”. It is different. They don’t ask “why” because they think I act “high” or just trying to be some random guy. Most fear to even say “hi” but would like me to say “bye”. I haven’t asked them “why” the same way I haven’t asked her “why”, or even why I don’t say “hi”. I know why I don’t say “hi” though I don’t know why I don’t ask “why”. To say “hi” would enforce the need to ask her “why” but some times asking “why” or saying “hi” is just as good as saying “goodbye”. Saying “hi” would be so nice. Saying “goodbye” would also be nice because it would mean I said “hi”. Why not ask “why”? Why?
She sits under the tree reading a book of blank pages as the sun kisses her softly on the cheek. I could walk over and say “hi”. If things look good I might even ask her “why”. She might ask me “why” though I would be satisfied with just a “hi”. She is a high. Like I said I’m not retarded. I am not slow. Stupid is just a word to label things that we don’t understand. You don’t. It’s just that I have a lot on my mind. Not metaphorical but actually on my mind. Not literal either. In my mind on my mind I got some characters. Characters that are real characters, no acting. They talk to me when I’d rather not and they rather not talk to me in the first place. Something to do, something to say. They say “hey”. I ask them “why”. Why do I not say “hi”? This is what they say…

~*~

“I don’t know why you don’t say hi. But I might know why you don’t ask her why,” said a huge purple mushroom with florescent yellowish green spots and big round bloodshot eyes. The mushroom takes a puff and turns to his friend Steve the bear who is actually a panda and not a bear but we just never mention that fact who was drinking a foaming pint of lager, “What do you think Steve?”
“I think that Doc, The two called me doc as a nickname and I don’t know why, needs to grow some balls and just go over there and say hi. I think I know why he doesn’t say hi but I don’t have the foggiest idea on why he doesn’t ask why,” said Steve the bear as he takes another swig, “ But you know Karl, we could just ask the Doc right now.”
“Good point,” said Karl the mushroom turning around to face me, “ Hey Doc why don’t you ask her why or say even say hi?”
“Well I don’t know. I asked you why but it appears you’re just really high. May I ask why?” I said to Karl as I watched him take another drag. It is amazing how red someone’s eyes can get. He laughs.
“You’re right Doc, I am high. But not on this,” he holds out the joint “ and not on life either. I’m high because you asked why!” Ruckus laughter erupted from Steve and Karl.
“You are one funny shroom my friend. Hey I got an idea,” another draw on the pint “ how about you go over to that pretty little thing, say hi, ask her why, then say good bye. Who knows, she might even talk to you.”
“The bear is right, follow what Steve said and just say hi. Hey, what is the worst that can happen right?” questioned the shroom as he watched a pack of transparent birds fly over his head.
“I don’t know. What is the worst think that can happen?” I asked.
“Let me tell you,” declared Steve standing up and his back legs“ She could ignore you. Or she could take her pen and jab it in your throat mixing ink with blood. She could also say “hi”. NO WAIT! The worst thing she could do to you is,” he finishes the pint, “she could pull out a meat cleaver and begin to rip off your fingernails one by one.”
“Damn it Steve you’re always so negative. Why is it that every time Doc comes to visit I never come to visit you always have to make his questions and problems into a joke?” asked Karl as his temper began to match his eye color.
“So you’re saying what I told him was wrong?”
“Not exactly. I’m just saying you always try to hide the truth from of our friend I’m not too sure I call them friends and skirt around the real predicament? Why do you have to sugar coat everything? You’ve been doing this to him forever. He’s a grown teen now, he can handle it.”
“Well shit Karl I apologize for trying to not scare him. Sure I could have just said she might say “hi”, but getting your fingernails ripped off with a meat cleaver is much less scary. I’m just looking out for his feelings, haven’t you ever heard of a white lie?”
“Yes I have Steve. Remember when they all said he will be just fine?”
“Well I’m sorry for sugar coating. Doc,” Steve turns to me “the worst thing that could happen to you is that she might say “hi”,” Steve turns back towards Karl, “Happy?”
“Of course. Not because I bent your will to fight like the bottle of whisky bent your will,” as he spoke Steve was already working on a new bottle, “but because this grass is greener on this side than the other side for once.” Karl takes a huge drag that finishes the joint and exhales in a cloud of laughter.
“You are so immature Karl,” Steve says threw clenched teeth as he opens the bottle with his teeth. “ Any way you want to put it, our man our? Doc here isn’t getting any action. Figuratively or actually.”
“So why a meat cleaver and not a knife?” I ask.
“Because Doc. Just like his name is Steve, it has to be a meat cleaver because. Or if you want to get to the real reason, not because, just cause” answered Karl.
“Ok I think I’m going to go now. Thanks for the head ache,” I say as I try to back away from the two It is never that easy.
“No problem,” Karl says as he hops over to me “ but before you go I just want you to know that I think you should talk to that chic. Look you don’t have to say hi, bye, or even why. Just slip right in like a smooth criminal and play yo game jack.
“Well Jack isn’t my name and I got no game,” I replied.
“I got a better question. Why the hell do we keep talking like this?” asked Steve as some whisky dribbled down his front.
“Like what?” asked Karl.
“Like we are high in the sky.”
“Because we are high my friend,” replied Karl giggling.
“No, you are high Karl. Me and Steve are not high. Steve might be drunk and I’m just stuck in my head but you, you are high,” I declared.
“I’m sorry Doc but the shroom has got a point, even if he is smoking that joint. Since both him and I live in your mind’s eye, it would be safe to assume that you are also high. Neither him nor I live outside of your inside. But you do. I’m not saying your high on the outside like Karl is in the inside but it is you who made you, Karl, and I. We three, though different by eye, are truly one of a kind. We are all a highly dysfunctional function in your mind that you use to get by ” Steve said matter of factly.
“Ok I think it is safe to say that the bear is buzzed if not plastered. What he meant to say is that all three of us,” Karl makes a gesture at the three of us “ are nothing more than figments of your imagination. That being said, if we are at a substantial substance high or at an alcoholic low, it is because of you. We talk like this because you think like this. Don’t ask me why, just go over to that girl under that tree and just and say hi or even better yet, ask her why.”
“Yeah what he said.” Confirmed Steve. “Or just say hi.”
“Is this going anywhere?” I asked.
“Physically no and emotionally even noer. But mentally, ha ha, we are making leaps and bounds. Follow us to The Field Happy Thoughts,” gestured Karl. Steve jumped onto Karl’s mushroom head and they bounced off towards one of the blue suns in the distance. I followed them and I don’t know why. Maybe I was high.
I looked around and was amazed at all of the colors. Both as near and far as the eye could see, it seemed like a massive orgy of crayons were suddenly massacred and their insides splattered across the land. The sick bastard must have taken pleasure in defiling the bodies because never has there been such beautiful artwork. Though I admit that I’m colorblind and all of this is black and white, I imagine it much different. As we walked Well I walked, Steve was riding on a bouncing Karl we passed a gaggle of seven foot tall butterflies riding on the back of three foot gnomes. They kicked up dust that, once air born, became bubbles of color and danced in the breeze. When one would pop it would leave a splash of color in the air like a welcomed stain. Trees the size of bigger trees dotted the land and I would put money on it that at least one of them had a kick ass tree house in one of them. It was a hot day but that is to be expected with three out of the four suns to be out. I noticed that the time it took us to travel to the field was shorter every time we made this trip due to the ever-expanding bounty of beauty of the field. Spending time with these two was a pain in the ass or rather the head Hard to tell the difference sometimes with all the shit that they both create and I never understood why I kept coming back. Some times I think it would be easier to just die then remain here high.
“Hey guys, why do you call it The Field of Happy Thoughts?” I asked.
“Because tumor sounds terminal,” replied Karl.
“That and this is a place where many of your happy thoughts come from! It is even possible that all three of us come from here. Wouldn’t it be tragic if this beautiful place was gone and so were we?” asked Steve with a horrified look on his face. I’m not sure Steve slowly got off of Karl’s head and rubbed his backside from the rough ride. He stumbled around trying to find his balance.
“Why did you bring me here anyway?” I questioned.
“I’m not even going to bother to point out the fact that it is you who lead us here and that we just seemed like the leaders, but I would like to ask you a question,” said Karl as he licked up some pill shaped rocks. No
“Go ahead,” I replied.
“Why are you not talking with that chic under the tree?”
“Because I’m talking with a mushroom and a bear that are talking back,” I said.
“Aww thanks. I love you, no homo.”
“No what?” I asked confused.
“No homo. It means I love you but not in a sexual homosexual way,” explained Karl.
“But you are a homosexual.”
“I know but I don’t have those kind of feeling toward you Doc. It is actually quite offensive when people think that just because you’re gay that you are attracted to everyone one of the same gender as you." Mushrooms have gender?
“I don’t really care if you’re a homosexual or a heterosexual. I don’t even care if you like me that way or not. I’m just wondering why you felt the need to add no homo.”
“It’s probably because you’re bi-curious Doc and you suppress your true feelings most of the time. Only in this world do you allow yourself to feel or even question these feelings,” Steve says as he finishes the whisky, throws it over his shoulder and pulls out something stronger before putting his arm around my neck, “ You see neither you or I are gay. Karl on the other hand is. Most people are scared of these kind of thoughts and keep them bottled pun? inside and only let it materialize in the form of talking mushrooms and alcoholic bears. But you are not a bear Which reminds me, “ he pulls out another bottle of clear liquid and opens it, taking a swig before continuing, “ Now this doesn’t mean you’re gay and it doesn’t even mean you’re bisexual. It means that you are probably straight but had some gay thoughts.”
“Or it could be the tumor talking,” I said.
“Or it could be the tumor talking,” Steve said downing half the bottle. He turns and says to Karl, “ You should cut that smoking and pill popping shit out man. It makes us stupid.”
“Maybe I would if you weren’t drinking so much. Fine I will quite. I’ll sniff some cocaine instead,” retorted a hotheaded Steve who was actually already engaged in powdering up his nose.
“That’s better,” said Steve. The panda sat down and started a drinking contest with himself trying to finish the bottle in one paw before the bottle in the other.
“I know I should know this but, why do you drink so much Steve?” I asked.
“Because it is called liquid courage and since you don’t seem to be drinking any I must do it for the both of us. How else are you going say hi to that chic under the tree? Hmm? Plus this is making it easier for me to talk. I’m not very sociable. ” Steve said through squinting eyes.
“Oh I have a great idea,” shouted Karl sporting a new white mustache I never knew mushrooms had noses “ we can have Doc go ask that chic over there yonder and see if she knows why he won’t say hi.” I look to where Karl was motioning with his bloodshot eyes. A very pretty girl with long dark hair was lying down against a tall tree with cerulean blue leaves. “Go Doc and bring her over here.”
I walk over to the girl and notice that she is softly singing. Such a beautiful voice, it is hard to believe this was made up. Ever word she sang came out as a golden sparkle of light that began covered her whole body like a warm blanket. “Hi. How are you doing?” She turns to look up at me. “Oh stupid me err ,” I fumble with my words for a second as I realize my mistake, “I didn’t mean “you” me I meant “me” me. I didn’t realize it was me. Sorry about that Gwen.” Gwen was the female embodiment of me or I guess you could call her my inner beauty
“It’s alright. Nobody remembers,” she said softly looking out into the distance.
“Well me and the guys things,” I wave my hand back towards Steve and Karl who were both doing shots of their respected fun fuel, “wanted to see if you would like to come talk with us?” I asked.
“No.”
“Neither do I,” I offer my hand to her and she takes it. Pulling her up I ask, “So why do you sit here alone signing so beautifully to yourself when you should be signing to the world?”
“ That is a question you have to ask yourself. And I don’t mean me.”
“Not even a little clue?”
“Maybe it is because you listen to your friends, again, not sure I would call them my friends more than you listen to me. I guess I’m just scared.”
The both of us return arm in arm to join Steve and Karl. We walk slowly because the ground has a bad habit of going from hard to soft. One moment it was like walking on a grassy knoll and the next it was as if we were traversing a washed out field of mud. It impeded our small trek delaying us much longer than the small distance called for. When we made it back to the two characters, both Steve and Karl were jumping up and down in amazement.
“Holy shit Doc you did it! How? How! How!?” shouted Karl.
“Yeah man that was real slick. I would have never guessed you had it in you but you proved me wrong. I mean damn, look at that beautiful flower,” exclaimed Steve matching Karl’s excitement.
“Tumor,” replied Gwen softly. The two look at Gwen at the same time.
“Oh shit Gwen I didn’t even know you were here. Check this out though,” said Steve as he went back to staring at the flowers that were beginning to bloom everywhere in The Field of Happy Thoughts. True, beautiful flowers had begun to spring up and bloom. All shapes and sizes, not a single flower looked the same. Some were short and slender with fuzzy puffs at the tips of the petals. Others gave off clouds of fragrances that would dance amongst the flowers and settle on neighboring flowers splashing them with colors. Many of the flowers never stuck to one color but rather ebbed and flowed like a stone thrown into the puddle of time. Creating ripples that influenced the moods of those around them. Some actually seem to be giving off light while other seemed to be giving off darkness.
I watch as Karl smells a few and begins to take huge mouth full bites of the flowers. “Ok these taste phe-nom-e-nal! Though I admit they would taste better if they were free,” said Karl.
“How are they not free?” I asked puzzled.
“Do you call a brain tumor free?”
“Well I got the brain tumor for free.”
“And it has been costing you ever since,” Gwen said squeezing tighter on my arm burrowing her head into my shoulder.
“Too much of these and they will probably kill you Doc,” came the voice of Steve who was swiping his paws at some snow like petals floating by his nose.
“Wow Steve that was a really lame joke, even for you,” said Karl.
“Really? This is coming from a talking mushroom who is, quote unquote, “High”. And I’m the lame one?” responded Steve raising what would have been an eyebrow.
“I don’t want to go,” whispered Gwen.
“Ok how about the fact that you named a brain tumor The Field of Happy Thoughts?” asked Karl.
“Screw you Karl. We were on concurrence when I named this place,” responded Steve. Gwen muttered something but I couldn’t hear her. “ And another thing Karl, I love you man no homo.”
“Did you say something Gwen?” I asked.
“You always knew how to soften me up Steve. Come here and give me a hug,” Karl said as he began to bounce toward Steve. “Ok just don’t give me a bear hug,” this caused both to obliterate their lungs with laughter. It would have been funnier if he was an actual bear They doubled over and rolled around on the flowers together laughing their hearts out. I moved my eyes away from them to look at Gwen. But what I saw startled me. Everything on her face was gone except her warm sad eyes. Her face was nothing but milky white skin that was growing lighter as I watched. Her hair was beginning to take the shape of weeds and was starting to look like it could be part of the filed of flowers. I looked at the rest of her body and noticed that she was seemingly evaporating on the spot. “Gwen?”
“Oh don’t worry about her. She’s always doing that. At least I assume. I’m not sure because I don’t talk to her often. She’s . . . not all there!” laughed Steve.
Through tears Karl shouted out through bursts of laughter, “Stop stop, your killing Steve.” This was true though. Steve had taken a huge bite out of Karl’s head and was beginning to bleed.
“Ok I’m beyond buzzed. But BUT,” Steve said chewing on the chunk of Karl’s head, “ at least I’m not full of shit like Karl here. Literally he is full of shit. Look!” he points with one of his paws, the one not holding a bottle.
“Look you over grown teddy bear, that is not shit. It is fairy dust,” countered a defensive Karl as he tried to get up and show a powdery white substance that was inside his head.
“You mean Angel dust,” snipped Steve as he dipped in a claw and licked it.
“Oh yeah,” said Karl his eyes going in and out of focus. “Sorry the blood is mixing with my brain and turning it to mush.”
I looked at the two and was amazed that they were still alive. How many times could they do this before they wouldn’t come back. I remembered that we had wanted to ask Gwen why I won’t say hi to the girl sitting under the tree. I also just realized that I no longer could feel her on my body. I take my eyes away from the panda giving the shroom a huge bear hug when I noticed Gwen was no longer with us. Gwen was nothing more then colored wind by now. Most of her was blown away with the breeze but a bit remained amongst the flowers. Almost as if it was trying to collect itself and reform. That was until Karl began to inhale all of the fumes that were Gwen.
“Oh how I love Gwen. Homo,” said Karl.
I was going to point out that that made no sense when I remembered where I was. By this time I was starting to get a rather bad head ache.“ So you’re saying I should go to the chic under the tree and say hi?”
“Well not exactly Doc,” claimed Steve as he staggered up towards me, “ You can’t be so up front about things of this matter. I say your best bet, if you want to talk to her, is to not talk to her. That way she doesn’t have the option of not talking to you.”
“But that would also mean she wouldn’t have the option of talking to me,” I said countering his drunk logic.
“No. She is already exercising that option to not talk to you. But if you try to talk to her and she still doesn’t talk to you than it is much more damaging,” Steve says.
“ Steve you’re not making any sense. Plus, what if she does talk to me?”
“She won’t,” Steve says with confidence.
“And if she does?”
“Well in this scenario she doesn’t. And that is a huge blow to you.”
“Did you guys say something about blow?” asked Karl.
“ No you drug addict. We were just talking about how she was going to blow Doc away if he tried talking to her,” replied Steve.
“Wow! She’s going to blow him!?”
“No you sick twisted fungus,” shouted Steve, “Blow him away. If he tried talking to the girl under the tree she is just going to blow him away. Or off. Blow him off to get him off. Get him off of her. Get him off by blowing him. . . off,” Steve looked around puzzled, “what were talking about again?”
“Ok how are you going to attack me for making a joke? I know what you meant. It is called a play on words. Remember two things. One, everything I say is under the influence of everything from weed, cocaine, angel dust, shrooms, tumors, and Gwen ect. And two, my whole body is shaped like a penis. Be glad I haven’t made more jokes about it. Like the fact that you took a mouth full of me just a minute ago or the fact that your bottom hurt after you rode me to The Field of Happy Thoughts.”
“ Ok fair enough,” said Steve throwing up his hands and tipping over backwards as he had thrown himself off balance.
“Hey Karl,” I called.
“Yes Doc?”
“Doesn’t that hurt,” I rub my hand over my head in the place where Karl’s head was missing, “it’s bleeding profusely.”
“Oh it hurts like hell. But let me tell you this,” he says to me and just stares. Just stares. Stares.
“Tell me what?”
“What?”
“Tell me what? What were you going to tell me?”
“I’m not sure I follow you Doc.”
“Holy shit my brain is on fire!” shouted Steve as his head was engulfed in flames.
“That was it. Steve’s head will catch on fire. It is not that I don’t feel the pain of having a chunk bitten out of my head it is just that, due to the substances, I really don’t care. Just like alcohol and the cold. You feel the cold but you just don’t really care,” he looks around nervously, “So I’m told.”
“Shouldn’t we help him?” I asked as Steve rolled around catching many of the flowers in the field on fire causing the flowers to call out for help.
“Na. If we help him now, how will he ever learn? Plus after a few seconds the flames will go out and the second affect of eating me will take effect,” described Karl through blood caked lips.
“What effect is that?”
“How shit guys I’m floating,” said a Steve. Sure enough Steve was floating in midair with his paws making motions as if he was swimming. “This has to be like the coolest thing like… ever. More cooler then the coolest cool thing ever. Cooler then drugs.”
“Cooler then alcohol?” asked Karl.
“No. Drugs are not cooler than alcohol.”
“Ok another two things. One, alcohol is a drug by definition. I mean, how is it not a drug? And two, all of that is happening to you is because you ate some drugs. Other words you ate part of me,” said Karl.
“Not exactly Karl,” Steve said as he floated around the our heads doing spins, “I’m in this predicament because of Doc.”
“Why do I hang out with you guys?” I ask Steve.
“I’m not sure Doc, ask Karl,” Steve said and he began doing back flips.
I turn my gaze towards Karl only see him laying face down in a river of blood. “Is he ok?”
“Yeah I’m sure he’s just taking a nap or something.”
“Steve, he looks pretty dead to me.”
“Maybe. But I’m not one to split hairs over something on the rocks and someone who smokes the rock. If he is dead just make us a new talking mushroom or better yet, make us a paper airplane that drops bombs of more paper airplanes. Or we can just wait till he wakes up. What’s this we talk? Wait what’s going on?” Steve’s eyes widen as he begins to float away into the clouds. “This is wicked. Oh by the way Doc,”
“Yes Steve?”
“I can hear what you are thinking whenever you think in Italics. And I just wanted to point out that pandas are in fact bears and not raccoons.”
“No I’m pretty sure they are from the raccoon family.”
“No I really am a bear. I know it has been long thought that I was apart of the raccoon family but recent studies show that I am fact in the bear family.”
“That’s stupid. Science has the bad habit of changing their mind of what something is and what something is not. It sounds money motivated to me. Where did you look this up?”
“Wikipedia.”
“Figures.”
“Regardless of where I found it, the fact remains the same. Pandas are bears just like Pluto is not a planet.”
“Well I choose to believe Pluto is still a planet but you do have a point. I’ll give half. You are half bear.”
“Goodbye Doc, see you really soon I expect.”
“So I’m just going to tell her hi?”

~*~

I stand up. I begin to move when everything begins to change like a time machine that is turned up to full blast towards the future. Everything rushes by me in a blur of what I assumed to be color. Just as quickly as the stream of “color” rushes by me it all stops and it is no longer day but it is night. I looked up and see that the stars are decorating the sky like diamonds in a chocolate chip cookie. I look down at the tree and to my relief saw the girl still reading. I took one step and she closes her book and stands up. As I start to ask why, and with the same blurring speed, she walks away fading into the night like a ghost. “Why?” Maybe they were right. Maybe I should have just said hi.
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Well there you go folks. Note* I had to come back and edit a bit because the story didn't copy exactly when I transfered it over to the blog. The Italics were missing but I think I fixed the problem* I hope you liked it and hoped you have a few thoughts on it. If you have questions, please go to www.powertriostudios.com and ask me on the forums. I will gladly try to answer your questions about this story or of anything you would like to ask. I might post something I had to write afterwords explaining a bit but I don’t know. As I’ve said, I’m not in the best moods and my mentality is pretty torn up and rather distracted. But I will try to update soon with either more thoughts, stories, and or poems. But whatever the case is I hope you all take care and that happiness finds you and your love ones. Thanks for reading.

~Love~

Rusty Meat Cleavers

This one goes out to

Payton …..

Mr. Gentile …..

And my Uncle Phil

Love.

Hmmmm I think if I had anyone following my blog they have stopped or forgotten about it by now. But once they make it back they we remember that I made a promise to have a blog entry within a week or close to it….that was exactly 2 months ago. I deeply apologize and I can’t really make a good enough excuse as to my long leave of absence. But I’m back and I promise this one will be full of….. well it will be full. I’m sorry if this will bore or turn you away. I just feel I should write a bit.

Whether there is an afterlife, heaven, hell, reincarnation, or Thug Mansion ect. There is always a fresh batch of applicants awaiting their new homes every day. It is often that we humans, in general, often disregard the fact. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we are disrespectful but, typically if the death is not of someone we know it quickly fades from memory. When someone close dies it can seem like the world is ending. But if we hear that a hundred or so died in an overseas conflict we might say “How sad” but think nothing more of it. Not saying their lives had less value but it feels that way. I understand asking anyone to care for everyone would be ludicrous for the shear amount of people pass every day but I just want to remind people that, even if you don’t know them, someone does and they are people. They maybe complete opposites, hold different beliefs, speak a different language, pray to a different God, and or wear a different kind of hat, they are still human and we are all family. I’m not going to linger too long on this I just want send it up one to everyone who went before me regardless if I knew who they were or even if we would have agreed on anything. Love.

Too Payton, one of the three dogs that I ever cared about. I typically don’t put animals on the same level as humans (sorry Brenda) even though I often level the argument that humans are nothing more the animals, but this is one of the rare occasions. I by no means look down upon people who have a deep connection with animals (though some take it too far). Payton was the Garritano’s dog that I knew longer than many of my friends. I’ve known that dog since the middle of grade school, through high school, and 2 years of college. When I first met her, she was so big that I could have rode her like a horse if I wanted to. You were one cool pup. See you later Twinky.

Too Mr. Gentile, though I didn’t know him that well his daughter I’ve known for as long as I can remember. One of my oldestfriends,though we don’t talk as much, family is forever. I don’t really have any stories but it is hard for anyone to lose their pop’s. This painting is for Colleen when I see her next.

Too Uncle Phil, this one hurt. I find myself freezing up whenever I try to write down my feelings and ideas when it comes to Uncle Phil. Not for a lack of them but for an inability to do them righteousness. When we had a mass for him back home we had the chance to fill out these cards about memories we had about him. But when I had the chance I couldn’t string together what I wanted to say. Another sign that I’ve yet to become a writer. I was very disappointed in myself. I did write but not to what he deserved. But we can’t always help that. I know that writing down doesn’t really mean anything because, even though I failed with pen and paper, I see it all crystal clear in my mind. I remember the numerous wrestling events including Wrestlemania. I remember the legendary parties that were an absolutely must attend event. I remember Uncle Phil and my Dad going absolutely ballistic over the validity of an answer in the game of Scattergories. He had my all time favorite usage of the adjective “brutal”. I could go on but like before I find my thinking disjointed and I don’t want to delude anything. Just know Unc’ that miss you and you will be the one and only, Uncle Phil. And this picture is for you. Like my writing doesn’t do justice but I think you’ll understand. Love always.

I’m going to shift topics if that is alright if you? Yeah? No?.....yes. You know what I’ve learned? Working takes up time and energy! I know crazy isn’t it? It is true, I’ve been working at my church and have been recently hired (though I still don’t know if I’m getting paid) to coach “The Beautiful Game” a.k.a. soccer. While at work I find it increasingly hard to write and do art. Only after said work am I allotted time to do whatever I want in which I often find myself tired. It is a sick world we live in.

I’m helping one of my bestest friends move into a new house. It’s fun! But something struck when we were sitting on his couch at the new house taking a break. I said “This is weird” because it’s not the same anymore. I know everything is in constant change but it is becoming evident everyday. Typically in the summer, I just play video games, do some art, and basically chill at his pad. But now I was helping him move in on his own. We were talking about Jobs and careers in the present instead of the life long “when I’m older”. Granted we are still very young, no longer is it just going to be kicking it until I pass out on his couch, just to wake up and continue on what I left of the night….morning before. I know I could use my favorite 2pac line right know from the song “Changes” but I’m not going to as you probably heard to from me plenty of times enough. It’s not that I dislike this change but it is a significant loss of innocents in a way.

Another thing that has been changing significantly is our creative works. The first is a picture I made for my Chinese friend 王力薇 or Vickie. I haven’t talked to her in a really long time and it makes me sad. Hopefully you will see this and can contact me again. The other change I see is in the movies we are making. If you’ve been keeping up our next big movie “I’m Still Here” will be premiering at T.F.North on August 1^st. I will tell you more info when I learn or you can go to the website at www.powertriostudios.com. When Harry has sent me some of the clips of our movie I can clearly see why change can be a good thing. I don’t want say that we are good but it is defiantly a vast improvement over “Noir”. I can’t wait.

Also news, my movie has been postponed till next year for a few reasons. The main reason is focusing on two other big projects that require large amounts of time and energy. Both have a deadline. Shooting my movie would put an incredible amount of strain on time and resources. The shooting of my movie would be in the neighborhood of a week or 2, so we talked it over and it will be held off till next summer.

Now that my movie has been put on hold I’ve been redirecting my mind elsewhere. I admit openly that my mind is being dragged around like crazy of late. It is hard to explain but some of the feelings I have now I’ve never had before and I don’t know what to do. The words enamored and infatuated come to mind. When the same thoughts and feelings occupy your mind before you sleep, in your dreams, and are the first things you wake you to, it is hard to make any sort of output without it being compromised in some way. I believe I’ve fallen into a sort of writing slump as I’ve been a loss for words for awhile and I’ve been watching many of ideas be aborted before they got to grow up. But this feeling I have, this emotion, idea, I’m going to do my best to capture it on canvas. My big summer project is a compilation of my creative skills in the attempts to capture the essence of now. I don’t want to take a long time on this but at the same time I do. Like my writing, my art lacks both experience and skill so I’m going all out by both spending a lot of time and capturing feeling quickly. It will be a multi-media piece involving writing, painting, and a bit of sculpture. I’ve never felt this way before and it is so intoxicating that, though I doubt I will ever forget it, I want to capture it and share/ live in it after it’s gone. It’s one of those things that tilt on absolute joy and despair. It is a beautiful thing even if it turns out ugly. Whichever way it ends up tilting, I want to this in more than memory. Let’s hope the wind blows in my favor, though I have that sinking feeling that the gale I’m looking for has long past, carrying along Dream Birds and the like along with it past the point of no return. But I can dream can’t I?

I know I also promised to put in a short story but I again must break that. I just don’t feel like it would fit nicely in this blog. Plus it would take up a lot of room on a already decent size blog. But I will say I plan ( I no longer promise on this but plan) on having my next post be just the story and a few words. I have to think of what story to put on but it will be relatively soon. Way sooner than the last post. Again I’m sorry, but until my head clears up I might be lost in the clouds more than usual. Only now I feel truly lost instead of just wondering around. Thank you everyone who is here reading. It means a lot and hopefully I will see you or talk to you soon. Take care and stay safe. And always remember

~Love~